


Anchored

by miragoat



Category: Warcraft (2016), Warcraft - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Angst, I Don't Even Know, LionTrust, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, everyone is an idiot but Callan, my teeth are literally rotting from this, young callan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-08-09 01:15:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 23,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7781230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miragoat/pseuds/miragoat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: "Lothar is retired military and Khadgar is a teacher at a nearby elementary school where Callan is a student. They both like each other but don’t say anything because A) Khadgar thinks he’s too young for Lothar to be interested in & B) Lothar thinks Khadgar wouldn’t want someone as scarred and broken as he is."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Day

Anduin adjusted the straps of Callan’s backpack so that they fit him just right, more as an excuse to keep his son for another moment then because it needed adjusting. He looked at Callan, and his heart warmed. The boy looked so much like his wife, with his round cheeks and sandy brown hair. It was strange, seeing him off to school again, and not for the first time, Anduin wished that he would just stop _growing_. He forced himself to smile because Callan was smiling, eager to go back to school.

“Did you bring your lunch box?” he asked.

Callan nodded.

“All your supplies are in your bag?”

“ _You_ put them in.”

“Right. And you’ll keep an eye on Varian? It’s his first day...”

“Yes, Dad,” Callan sighed. He was too independent already.

“Well then, I’ll be here to pick you up at the end of the day.”

“Bye, Dad!”

Too soon, he bounced off to find his friends, his father forgotten in the car. _It’s like losing him every year,_ Lothar thought, _even if he’s only seven years old._

He resolved to go visit Taria in the hope that he could resist the urge to down the bottle of Captain Morgan that was waiting for him in the cupboard.

 

The instant that he walked into the kitchen, his sister gave him the _look_ that told him that she knew what he was thinking. He sat across from her after pouring himself a cup of coffee and waited for her to say something.

“You miss her,” she said.

“I miss them both,” he admitted despite himself. He knew that this was Taria, who he could express himself to when there was no one else, but it still had the sharp sting of something that had happened yesterday. He didn’t cry – he had been through too much to cry – but he clenched his fist and took a swig from the coffee mug, wishing that it was something stronger.

“You’re welcome to stay with us. I’m sure that Llane wouldn’t mind.”

“I don’t need to move in here,” he said.

Taria searched his face for some sign of weakness. “You’ve been sober for two years, Lothar.”

“Twenty-eight months,” he corrected her. Might as well have pride in _something_ , he figured.

She smiled. “Varian was so excited to see Callan today. He wants to meet all of his friends.”

Lothar smiled. “He’s a good kid, Varian. He’ll make a lot of friends, I’m sure. He’s just like Llane.”

Taria snorted. “Don’t remind me.”

 

 

The first day of school was always Khadgar’s favorite. It meant a new set of faces, a new year to try new things with his students and to make a difference. He was still young – this was only his third year as a teacher – but he loved his job, and he loved the children. He watched as they all filtered into the classroom and prepared himself to get to know them.

“Hello, class. My name is Mister Khadgar, and we’re going to spend the year together. I have a page for you to fill out that’s all about what you think second grade will be like, but first, I want us to do something else.”

Khadgar has picked out a picture book that he is sure will compel his students: something silly with a moral. He keeps his voice even and smooth as he reads, and it seems that the children enjoy it when he makes his voice higher for the girl characters and lower for the boy characters. It’s an easy trick. When he finishes, he has everyone introduce themselves and tell the class something interesting about their lives. It seems that the children are at ease, and he is confident when he walks them to the lunch room that they will all have someone they would like to talk to.

He sits across the table from the gym teacher, Garona, since they are used to each other. He says hello and she grunts her reply. Khadgar watches as one of his students runs over to a younger boy. He is prepared to jump up and intervene if he has a bully on his hands, but the younger boy is smiling, and he seems eager to talk to the older boy. _What a relief._

That afternoon, they get to work with their worksheets, and Khadgar does his best to circle the room and check that each of his students is filling out the form. It’s a simple form about second grade, with things like “I am excited about...” and “I worry about...” and “I would like to...”

He crouches beside Callan Lothar’s desk. “How are you doing, Callan?”

“Good,” he says.

“Can I see what you have written so far?”

Callan pushes his paper gingerly toward Khadgar. He cranes his head toward the paper to see what his student has written.

 

_I am excited about..._ _reding._

_I would like to… grow plants._

_I worry about… my dad being sad._

 

Khadgar frowned. “You’re doing a great job, Callan. Would you mind coming back to my desk when you’re finished so I could ask you some more questions?”

Callan nodded.

_My dad being sad…_ He’d had children who had problems at home before, but he was always surprised when a parent’s troubles were so obvious to a child. He ran a hand through his hair. Callan approached him timidly, like he was afraid that he’d done something wrong.

“Here’s my paper,” he said. “Did I do it wrong?”

Khadgar did his best to smile. “No, Callan, you did a perfect job. I wanted to ask you what you meant… about your dad being sad.”

“ _Oh_.” Callan seemed relieved. “My mom died when I was little. Dad misses her a lot. He seems so sad sometimes. My aunt Taria is nice to him, but he’s lonely.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I have an idea. Would you like to hear it?”

Callan nodded.

“I have a few books here that I brought from home. You can borrow them, if you like. Your dad could read them to you, or you could read them to him. It would give you something to do together.”

Callan smiled. “Thank you, Mister Khadgar!”

He nodded and picked two of his picture books from the table. “This one is about a boy’s first day of school. And this,” he said, “is about a wizard. Let me know which one is your favorite.”

When the day ended, Khadgar grabbed his bag and made his way down the stairs, students in tow. Some boarded the buses, and some had parents waiting for them. In the end, he was left waiting alone with Callan Lothar.

 

Anduin cursed. He had never been late to pick up his son before, and he feared the worst. He had fallen asleep on his couch watching reruns of _The Golden Girls,_ to his shame. There was still a possibility that he would be on time to pick up Callan, but some idiot in front of him had rear ended another car, and so Lothar was late for his son’s first day of second grade.

What kind of father couldn’t pick up his own son on time?

When at last he pulled up, Callan was sitting on the steps with an adult. Anduin breathed a sigh of relief. He got out of his car and sprinted up to Callan.

“I didn’t forget you,” he swore. “I’m sorry. There was a wreck a few blocks away… never again, I promise.”

Callan smiled a sad smile at him. “I’m okay, Dad. I was with Mr. Khadgar on the steps while we waited.”

For the first time, Anduin allowed himself to study the man who was sitting next to his son. He was young, Lothar thought, barely old enough to be considered a man, with full cheeks and wide brown, childlike eyes. A hint of a black mustache was growing, the sort that teenagers grew when they were first able to sprout facial hair. He parted his lips – full pink lips, the kind that Lothar thought about too often when he was particularly lonely – as if he wanted to say something, but then thought better of it. Callan had run to put his things in the car.

Lothar swallowed a lump in his throat. “I’ve never been late to pick him up before,” he said.

“I believe you,” the man said.

Lothar was taken aback. “Why? How could you believe me? What kind of fantasy world do you live in, where there’s no abuse or neglect and everyone is some paragon of parenthood making their first mistake?”

“I believe you,” Khadgar said, “because I talked to Callan about you. The way he talks about you, the way he _idolizes_ you, isn’t the way an abused child would talk about his parent.”

“Right.” Lothar’s stomach felt weak. He wished he knew what to say to make things right.

“Callan said he’s excited about reading more this year. I let him borrow some books that I’m sure he would like to share with you.” Khadgar hesitated. “At lunch today, I saw him running up to a younger boy to talk to him. He’s a good kid.”

“Varian,” Lothar said. “His cousin. They’re close.”

“Good.”

Lothar sighed. “Being in the military for so long made me paranoid. He’s all I have, Callan. If anything were to… that is, if he were to...” He shook his head. “Just don’t turn a blind eye to that kind of thing.”

Khadgar bit his lip. “I’ve had ample experience with social services. I understand the signs. I’m not naive.”

Lothar slapped his shoulder. “Good. Well then. We should go.”

“Right.”

 

 

“...like he was terrified that I’d take his son away because he was late one time,” Khadgar finished. He took another bite of spaghetti.

“So?”

“ _So?_ Garona, I think I should help them, and I _want_ to help them, but I don’t know how, without overstepping my boundary as a teacher! I could use some advice from someone with more experience.”

She grunted and took a swig of the cheap beer that Khadgar kept at his house for her sake. “I don’t know. Sounds like he needs therapy, not advice from a teacher.”

Khadgar rolled his eyes. “I can’t just send him to therapy.”

“No? Well then get used to it, because you can’t fix everything.”

Khadgar flicked a spaghetti noodle toward her. “You are the _worst_ friend, do you know that?”

Of course she knew.

 

Callan sat on his father’s lap and read him the wizard book with all the enthusiasm he could muster. Anduin didn’t care much for the story, but the smile that stretched across his son’s face was enough for him to sit through the story and show the appropriate reactions at the right times. Callan gave him a hug and was sent to bed happy. At least Anduin had that to be grateful for.

He sat in the kitchen alone and listened to the radio. The room still felt empty to him somehow. He missed his wife, but enough time had passed that he missed having _someone_ more than he missed her. She faded more from his memory every day, and he hated himself for mis-remembering the short time they’d spent together.

He pulled the Captain Morgan bottle out of the cupboard and sat it on the table. He just stared at it, unsure of whether he could open it, knowing that _if_ he opened it, all the progress he’d made in the past months would be undone. At the same time, he was tired of fighting, tired of resisting, tired of feeling. He tilted the bottle in his hand and wondered how the liquid would taste in his mouth.

Finally, he opened the bottle and poured himself a glass.

No, it was too tempting. He walked into the living room. He needed to call someone, but Taria was surely asleep, it was hard to tell what Llane was doing and Medivh was more erratic than he was. There were others, men from his past in the military, but he didn’t feel right opening up to them. Frustrated, he looked through Callan’s papers and signed the necessary documents. Then he saw it: the teacher’s emergency contact number.

He would call and apologize. It would stall him for at least a few moments. With trembling fingers, he dialed the line.

“Hello?” The voice on the other line sounded curious.

“Khadgar?”

“Yeah… who is this?”

Lothar took a deep breath. “It’s, um, it’s Callan’s dad. Anduin.”

“Anduin, what can I do for you?”

“I shouldn’t have doubted that you know how to do your job,” he said. “I’m sure you’re great at it. It’s only the first day, and Callan already loves you. It’s been weighing on me all evening and I know this number is for emergencies, but I just needed to tell you that I didn’t mean anything by it.”

A short pause. “I’m glad to hear it.”

Anduin felt as if he could breathe again. “It worked. Those books you sent him. He was so happy to read one to me, I couldn’t believe it.”

“He wants to spend time with you,” Khadgar said.

“He said that?”

“Of course he did.” There was laughter in Khadgar’s voice.

“Well… What else did he say?”

“He said that you were lonely, that he worries about you. He says he wants to be just like you when he’s older.”

“Hopefully not _just_ like me,” Anduin said, unable to hide the bitter edge to his voice.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Khadgar paused. “It’s late. If you want to talk again, about Callan… about anything, come find me after school in my office. It’s an open invitation.”

Lothar’s heart soared even after he hung up the phone. He walked into the kitchen and listened to the _glug_ as he dumped his precious stash down the sink and settled for an ice cream bar.

Maybe there was hope for him after all.

 


	2. Friendship is Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lothar sulks and tries to make a friend.

“You should be glad that he's so well-adjusted,” Taria told her brother as she poured orange juice into her son's cup.

“He's _too_ well-adjusted,” Anduin protested. “I think he worries more about me than himself. It shouldn't be that way at his age. He shouldn't have a care in the world. He told his teacher that I'm _lonely,_ Taria!”

Taria's smirk was not unnoticed. “Must have been a cute teacher.”

“Don't be ridiculous.”

“Am I wrong?”

Lothar groaned. It wasn't that Khadgar _wasn't_ cute; he was handsome in a boyish way, Anduin thought, if you were into that sort of thing. Which he wasn't, as he continued to remind himself. “He's practically a kid himself. Probably a bookworm. Besides,” he said, “he's Callan's teacher, and I already embarrassed myself enough to talk to him again.”

“For god's sake, Lothar, go talk to him, even about Callan. It wouldn't kill you to make some friends.”

“If I go talk to him – and I'm not saying I will, because I don't just do whatever you ask me to do, Taria – will you leave me alone about it?”

“We'll see, Lothar.”

No wonder he'd started drinking.

On the drive to school, Callan had _insisted_ that they listen to his old REO Speedwagon tape because it was his favorite one, and even if it was too early for music, he didn't see a reason to say no to his son. He wondered if someone as young as Khadgar had even _heard_ this music before, and scolded himself for letting his mind go there.

When they pulled up to the school, he studied Callan. “You're going home with Varian today, remember? Taria will be here to pick you up, and I'll be there in time for dinner.”

“I know,” he chirped. Maybe he was okay after all.

“Do you want me to take your bike over before I run my errands?”

He considered. “No. Varian can't ride a bike. He said we'll go swimming!”

Anduin ruffled his son's hair. “What are you waiting for, then? Get to class.”

The car seemed too empty without Callan beside him, Anduin realized as he reached to turn the radio off. He decided that maybe it wouldn't hurt to listen to the rest of the tape. Cally had always complained that he played the music too loud, and he'd always told her that he needed it to drown out her complaining. They'd always had a laugh about that. He missed laughing with someone that wasn't Llane or Taria. He knew that he was intruding on their lives more than was normal for a brother, but he couldn't seem to stop himself. He didn't have options.

It wasn't just Taria that left him empty, he reminded himself as he walked into the pharmacy. She was the least of it.

“Pick-up for Lothar,” he murmured.

The cashier/assistant smiled at him. “Here you go. Any questions?”

“Nope.”

“Sign here.”

At least Zoloft was his friend.

 

 

Out of all of the subjects he taught, science was Khadgar's favorite, probably due to his innate curiosity. He hoped to fill the year with experiments. Today he asked Garona (bless her) to carry a trash bag full of empty plastic bottles up the stairs to his classroom while he explained too eagerly to her what they would be used for.

“You think the parents will be okay with their kids putting these in their yard?” she'd grumbled.

“I hope so,” Khadgar said. “Look, it will be edifying, and it's something that they can take home with them. It's worth a try.”

And so he'd spent the morning talking to them about rain, and just before lunch he led them to pick out their bottles so that they could do their own recordings of the rain at home.

“What you should do is take a ruler and make little inch markers on the outside of your cup, starting where the water bottle is straight. Right here, see?” He walked around the room with his partly-finished example. “Mark half-inches too. Don't be afraid to ask someone else to hold the ruler if you need it. If you make a mistake, we can fix it.”

He circled around the room as they worked. Everything seemed to be in good order.

“Now, come to the front table. We're going to fill it to the start of your measurement with gravel so that your measurement will start there.” He was careful here, since this was science and science was nothing if not precise. He even went so far as to smooth out the gravel, as silly as it was. “What we're going to do is take the top half of the bottles out of the bag in front of the other table and tape it on backwards, so that the water will funnel in. We'll use duct tape because it's easy to use and strong enough to do what we need it to do. Here's what it will look like when we're done.”

By lunch, they had a functional set of rain collectors.

“What I want you to do is take these home. Ask your parents if you can put them somewhere open where the rain can fall into them. Each time it rains, I want you to go outside and measure how much rain has fallen into your bottle. Remember to dump the rain out after you've checked and written down how much rain your bottle collected. Have your parents help you.”

He was still in high spirits when he met Garona in the cafeteria.

“I think it's exciting to get parents to do things with their children,” he said. “When I went to school, we just read out of the textbooks and were expected to memorize the content on our own. If they can _interact_ with the world around them, the children will come to think of learning as an exciting thing instead of a chore. When I did my student teaching, there was this teacher–”

“Stop talking and eat something,” Garona said. “You're giving me a headache.”

He sighed but took a bite out of a chicken strip. “Do you ever get excited about anything?”

“Going home.”

By the way she smiled at him, Khadgar couldn't quite tell whether she was serious.

When the school day was over, he stepped out with his students to make sure that all of them were picked up, whether by bus or by car. His stomach felt weak, knowing that he might see Anduin Lothar again. Why had Anduin called him at such an odd hour? Had he really been so worried about what Khadgar thought of him? It was strange, but Khadgar had liked it, somehow.

A pretty woman with wavy dark hair stepped out of a sleek black car. She smiled at him. “I see that I'm not late to pick up Callan.”

“Not at all,” he said, smiling even as his heart sank.

“I'm Taria, Lothar's sister. He told me about you.”

Khadgar felt his cheeks warm. “I bet he has.”

She took Callan's hand. “My brother was going to come by to speak to you after he finishes his errands today. I hope he isn't late. Nice meeting you,” she said. She led Callan to the car and waited as her own son ran to the car to join them.

He felt oddly peaceful as he put his feet up on his desk and dug out his dog-eared copy of _Doctor Zhivago_. Even though he lived alone, some days he would stay late in his classroom and read until the whir of the vacuum cleaner was gone and it was nearly dusk. He felt at home.

He nearly fell out of his chair when there was a knock at his classroom door.

“It's open,” he called.

Anduin Lothar was at the door. As hard as he tried, Khadgar found it hard not to stare at his muscular forearms and his striking blue eyes. He knew that it was wrong, that this was the father of his student, but he had never been one to leave things alone even when they weren't his to meddle in. He reluctantly looked back at his book.

“This isn't a bad time, is it?”

“Oh, no, not at all. I was just...” he cleared his throat. “I was just reading.”

“Yeah, I had you figured as a bookworm,” he said with a smile. “No wonder Callan wants to read.”

“Oh, Callan has a mind of his own, I assure you.” He chanced a look at Lothar. “I met your sister today.”

“Great.”

“She seemed friendly.”

“I bet she did.”

Khadgar shut his book. “Is there something in this conversation that I'm not picking up on?”

Lothar sighed. “No, there isn't. It's my fault. I was talking to her over breakfast about yesterday, and Callan... She thinks that she can make friends for me, change my life however she likes. I told her I would come and talk to you even though I know that it's unprofessional, but she still has to have her own way.”

“Your sister sent you to try to make friends with me?”

“Demanded it,” Lothar corrected.

“Well, I'm flattered, but I'm afraid I wouldn't know where to begin. My only friends are an insistent coworker who tolerates me and an old mentor from my days at the university. I never really learned to make friends.” _Wow, that sounds pathetic_ , he realized. Still, he couldn't keep himself from talking. “And... well, I don't really go out.”

Lothar shrugged. “I have a son. Going out isn't part of my life anymore.”

“Right, Callan. Of course.”

Lothar looked down at his hands, which were awkwardly folded in his lap. “I know that usually friendships aren't so planned out, but Taria won't stop until I've made some sort of progress, and you seem stable. You could be good for my son.” _Good for me,_ he added despite his better instincts.

“Alright. Where do we start?”

Lothar smiled. “Come to lunch with Taria and me tomorrow.”

Khadgar chuckled. “I have to work tomorrow, remember?”

“I knew that.”

“I'm free Sunday.”

“Perfect.”

 

When Anduin stepped onto Taria's back patio, he could see the boys splashing around in the shallow end of the in-ground pool, floaties in tow. He poured a glass of lemonade and settled under the awning, content to let his son play uninterrupted. Taria was watching them too, a sad smile on her lips.

“You miss him, don't you?”

“He'll be home soon,” Taria said, “but you know Llane. He has so many obligations with work, and with election season coming...” she sighed. “Yes, I miss him.”

He sipped his lemonade. “So do I.”

“I saw your teacher today. He's cute, Lothar. I see now why you were so nervous about the impression you made.”

“He's not _my_ teacher, and you can relax because I went to talk to him. He's coming here Sunday to have lunch with us. Are you happy now?”

“I knew you would be fine.”

“Just don't make a big deal out of it.” He met her eyes. “Please. He isn't used to making friends and the last time I made a friend, he ended up marrying my sister. I'm out of practice.”

She nodded. “Of course.”

He hoped that she would take his words to heart.


	3. Sunday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world's worst brunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I'm so glad that everyone seems to be enjoying this so far! If there's anything that you would like to see in this story let me know.
> 
> I also want to be extra cautious and put a quick Trigger Warning for the FIRST TWO PARAGRAPHS for a quick, fairly vague nightmare about war. I tried to go easy but I don't want anyone to have any issues with this chapter.

Sometimes he still had nightmares. Some nights, when he had just reached the comfort of deep sleep, the familiar dreams would creep in like a weed that refused to be exterminated. He could see flashes, hear gunfire and explosions so loud that they threatened to deafen him. Then the screams came, quieter than the explosions, far quieter, but they were the worst, and the thing that lingered with him the longest when he woke in a cold sweat.

Sometimes they were different. Sometimes he could feel the pain of the bullet that had lodged into his side, feel himself growing weaker as he fought to keep his eyes open. It had never been fatal, only disabling in the moments when he exerted himself, but the shock of it combined with the pain had been more than he had ever felt in his life. When he woke, his hands would ghost over the scar, and he would feel as if he was there all over again. He trembled.

They didn't know how bad it was. None of them knew. They didn't know that he didn't drink because of Cally, no, that had started even before, but losing her had only served to take away the one thing that kept him from losing himself completely. They didn't know about the sleeping pills or the dozen SSRIs he'd tried before they'd finally found something that _worked_. He didn't want them to know, because he knew that it would kill Taria, that Llane would never view him the same way, that even Medivh would look at him with pity, not respect.

He woke Sunday morning, and he realized again that he was broken. He dreaded the moment that Khadgar would see a chink in his defenses and decide that he wasn't suitable, not for friendship or for anything else. He wondered why he'd allowed Taria to talk him into something so stupid. _Maybe I should call him and cancel. It's better for us both this way._

He fumbled with his cell phone until he found Khadgar's phone number on his call history. Part of him hoped that he'd get Khadgar's voice mail, since that would be easier than explaining himself.

“Anduin.” Khadgar sounded breathless. Lothar loved the way that sounded.

He berated himself. “Did I catch you in the middle of something.”

“No. Well, yes. A friend of mine insists that she should be my personal trainer and she's had me running laps since she got here.” He chuckled. “I never really got into athletics, you know. The school I went to was very prestigious, so I spent all of my time in the library until I practically had it memorized. I'm paying for it now. Did you ever?”

Lothar grunted. “Ex-military.”

“Oh,” Khadgar said, taken aback. “I hadn't realized. I mean, you certainly look the part, but I never would have guessed. You seem too...”

“Eratic?”

“I was going to say cordial.”

“But that's not what you were thinking.”

There was a pause. “Did you need something for today? I've never been to one of these dinners before. Well, I go a few times a year to go see the president of my college, but it's always so formal, and I have to get my formal clothes dry cleaned and ironed so he won't accuse me of being careless. Should I bring some kind of dish? I'm a decent cook, not the best, but better than a lot of people.”

“Khadgar.” Lothar's head was pounding.

“I just wanted to be sure that there wasn't some obvious bit of etiquette that I'm forgetting to follow. Unless you called to cancel.”

Lothar closed his eyes.

“You did, didn't you?”

“I did.”

“Well, was it something I said, or something I did?”

“No.”

“I know that I tend to ramble. It's a habit I can't seem to break, especially when I'm excited about something. People say that's too much of the time but I've never been any other way. I know that our meeting was awkward, but you seemed to want my company even if you said it was only because your sister insisted. Is it Callan?”

“Nothing like that,” Lothar said. “I've just had a hard time sleeping and I don't know if I can handle Taria and the kids today.”

Khadgar contemplated. “We could go somewhere else. I know somewhere that's peaceful. We'll grab takeout and spend some time there, if you'd like, unless you really want to spend the day alone.”

“I don't want to be alone,” Lothar said, surprising himself. _No, don't go there, don't let yourself go there._ “I don't want to inconvenience you, but if you really want to go, I could use some time to relax.”

“I definitely want to go. Meet me at the school around noon. We'll plan from there.”

“Fine by me.” Lothar wanted to say _thank you for tryin_ _g_ but he faltered _._ “Don't be late.”

“Oh, and Anduin?” Khadgar seemed to hesitate. “You don't have to tell me what's going on over there, but if we're going to really be friends, you can tell me, you know, if you need to. I'm a good listener.”

“I should call Taria,” he said. “I'll see you soon.”

He dreaded calling Taria, but he did.

“I'm not coming over today.”

“ _What?_ ”

 _I shouldn't have told her. I should have just missed the damn lunch._ “I have a migraine. I'm staying in.”

“Oh, you're coming over. Llane's here for the week.”

“Then I'll see him tomorrow!”

“Medivh came to see him.”

He sighed. “I _told_ you not to make a big deal out of this, Taria! This is the opposite of not a big deal! I can't believe you did this. Actually, I can. I _knew_ you would do this.”

“This is about Llane, not you,” she insisted. “He hasn't been able to spend so much time here since the election season started, and you know that. But if you still wanted to bring your friend, I don't see the harm in that.”

“Taria!”

“What? People love Llane!”

He rolled his eyes. “ _I_ love Llane, but I didn't expect today to go like this. I really think today is a bad idea.”

“I don’t care. Callan is waiting for you and so is Llane. Don’t be late.”

 

 

 _Don’t be late._ Khadgar couldn’t help but smile as he walked down the sidewalk to the school. He’d never been late in his life, never allowed himself room to be anything but punctual. He prided himself on that. Surely someone with a military background could appreciate that.

He didn’t understand Anduin Lothar, but he liked him anyway, maybe liked him _too_ much. When Lothar pulled into the school parking lot, he took a deep breath. He couldn’t allow himself to entertain the idea of being more than friends with Lothar. He was Callan’s dad, and even if he wasn’t, he was so much older than Khadgar, with so much more to offer than what limited experience he had. He could restrain himself. He was strong. He almost believed that.

“I’ve got some bad news,” Lothar told him. “We’re going to Taria’s.”

Khadgar buckled his seat belt. “You feel better, then?”

“Nope, but she _insisted._ My brother-in-law is running for congress this year, and he’s home for the week, and she called in one of our old friends to celebrate. She’d hang me if I missed it.”

“That’s nice.”

“No, it isn’t nice!” Lothar looked at him strangely, as if he couldn't comprehend that Khadgar wasn’t as frustrated as he was. “She’s my sister, not my mother.”

“I only meant that it’s nice that you have someone to invite you to their house and to watch over you.”

“What, you don’t have siblings?”

“I don’t know,” Khadgar admitted. “I never really saw my parents. The school they sent me to was a rigorous academy. I was there year-round, and my parents died while I was there.”

“Oh.” Lothar felt himself sinking. _Stupid to think this might go right._ “I didn’t know.”

“It’s not important.”

Lothar raised an eyebrow. “Not having a family is unimportant? Oh, you’re lucky Taria doesn’t know. She would invite you over every night, try to mother you too.”

Khadgar blushed. “She doesn’t need to take care of me. It’s not important because I don’t choose to make it important. I just thought that it must be nice to have someone. To have a family, I mean. Nice to have a family.”

“You’re doing that thing again,” Lothar said with the hint of a smile.

“What thing?”

“That thing where you upset yourself and start to ramble. Is that a bookworm thing or a you thing?”

“How should I know?”

“Well settle down, bookworm. I need you ready for my family.”

Khadgar leaned back and tried to relax. It was different now somehow, because even though he’d known that they were going to see Lothar’s sister, even though he’d accepted, it had never sunk in that he was actually meeting Lothar’s family. It felt so intimate, not something that he should be doing with a man he barely knew who he had no future with, or at least not the future that he wanted.

An awkward silence lingered until they pulled into the drive. Taria’s house was a three-story white house with deep blue shutters, almost like an old plantation house. Khadgar felt out of place, like stepping into the house would somehow devalue it. He looked nervously at Lothar.

“They’ll be around the back,” he said. “They had the patio redone last year, and it’s Llane’s pride and joy. Come with me.”

Lothar led them around the sidewalk to the back of the house. Already two long glass tables had been pushed together, and Khadgar could see plastic wrapped bowls of various kinds of meats and salads waiting for them. Taria was outside, placing teal ceramic plates in front of each of the chairs, a smile on her face.

“You made it,” she said, more to Khadgar than Lothar.

“Where is everyone?” Lothar demanded.

“Inside, getting changed I expect. They swam all morning. Have a seat.”

Lothar took his usual place at the table, and Taria guided Khadgar to a spot across from him. “Wait here,” she said.

 

Lothar stood when Llane came out of one of the french doors and slapped him on the shoulder. “Llane!”

Llane gripped Lothar’s arm and smiled at him. “The lion’s here after all! I told Taria not to worry. Sit.”

Llane took his place at the head of the table, and Lothar stole a glance at Khadgar, who was grinning. “Lion, eh?”

Llane was smiling wider now. “Old nickname. We started it because-”

“Don’t say it,” Lothar groaned.

Callan bounced outside next, Varian in tow, to his father’s side. “Uncle Llane let us in the pool _all morning_ ,” he said. His eyes were wide like saucers.

“Did you have fun?” he asked.

Callan nodded. “Varian can’t swim. Did you know that when you go under water, you have to hold your nose like this?” He made a show of plugging his nose. Khadgar laughed, and Callan turned to see his new house guess.

“Hi, Mr. Khadgar. Do you want to swim with me after lunch?”

Khadgar smiled. “I’m afraid that I never learned to swim, Callan.”

“Well, my daddy or Uncle Llane could teach you.”

Khadgar blushed. Was he embarrassed about not knowing how to swim, Lothar wondered, or because Callan was trying to goad him into learning? Did he know that being close to Lothar would be too much for him, that Lothr felt more for him than he was letting on.

“Today’s not the day for that,” he said. “Let’s just eat lunch and then you can swim.”

Even though Taria had told him that he would be there, Lothar was surprised when Medivh stepped onto the patio. He was dressed in slacks and a button up, dressed down, Lothar realized, compared to the suits he usually wore. He took the empty seat next to Khadgar. Lothar felt under dressed being near Medivh, as he always had.

Medivh did a double take. “Khadgar?”

Khadgar’s eyes widened, and he smiled so widely that Anduin thought it might hurt his cheeks. “Medivh! Oh, it’s been so long! I’ve been meaning to get in touch, but I just moved into a house and things have been so chaotic with the start of the school year. I can’t believe you’re here.”

Anduin felt a surge of jealousy. Where would the boy even meet someone like Medivh, and why was he smiling at him like that?

“I didn’t realize that you knew the Wrynns,” Medivh said.

“I don’t, not really. I mean, I’ve met Taria before when she came to pick up Callan, but Callan is my student, and his father invited me here today.”

“I didn’t realize that Anduin still knew how to reach out to anyone,” he said smoothly.

Anduin clenched his fists under the table. Leave it to Medivh to make himself the center of attention, even when they were talking about him. Leave it to Medivh, loyal, brilliant Medivh, to get something he wanted without even trying.

“He’s been great,” Khadgar said. “I mean, he’s been very welcoming, and very involved with Callan’s education.”

“Of course he has.”

“How do you two know each other?” Taria asked.

“Khadgar graduated three years early from a top secondary institution and received a full scholarship to our education program,” Medivh said. “I don’t normally make it my business to mingle with my students, but I was intrigued by such promise, and Khadgar practically begged me for an internship. I couldn’t refuse.”

“But you never liked interns. You always thought that they wanted something for nothing,” Anduin said.

“Khadgar was different,” Medivh said.

“It’s not like he didn’t make me work for it,” Khadgar said. “I had to re-organize his entire personal library. It took me _weeks.”_

“Why Medivh?” _Why couldn’t you know Llane instead? Why did you have to be close to him instead?_

“Because he’s the best,” said Khadgar simply.

The meal passed without incident, and Anduin did his best to pretend that he was happy to be among his old friends. He was, mostly, even to see Medivh, as much as he envied him. He did his best to smile, even though he wished more than anything that he could be alone with Khadgar.

“Why don’t you show Khadgar around the property?” Taria suggested when they’d finished eating, as if she had read his mind.

“Khadgar wiped his mouth on a napkin. “I’d like that.”

“I wanna go!”

“Help your aunt load the dishwasher, and then spend some time in the pool,” he told his son. Callan hung his head but obeyed.

Anduin decided to walk Khadgar to the pond first since it was his favorite place. The lilies would be in bloom for another few weeks, he knew, before the petals fell into the water. At least now he had Khadgar to himself. He wondered if Khadgar was thinking of Medivh while they were walking together.

“Medivh, huh?” he said at last.

“Why do you say it like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like you disapprove. Like you hate him.” Khadgar searched Anduin’s eyes, but Lothar knew he wouldn’t find an answer there.

“I don’t hate him. He’s one of my best friends.”

“Just look up.”

Khadgar did. His mouth opened, then shut, then open again, and his eyes were wide, wider than Callan’s had been the first time he’d seen it. “Those lily pads are larger than my head,” he said.

“That’s a feat.”

“He snorted. “Just shut up, Lothar.”

Lothar hesitated. “So you and Medivh.”

“He was the best mentor I could have asked for, even if he was moody and unpredictable. He’s like the father I never had.”

The words should have been relief, but they stung. The word _father_ hit Lothar like a truck and he couldn’t speak, couldn’t even consider moving forward knowing that Khadgar was right.

“Why do you care so much… about Medivh and me?” he said slowly.

“I was just curious.”

“No you weren’t. Why?”

“Just drop it, kid!”

Khadgar narrowed his eyes. “I’m not a kid. I’m a _man_ who graduated at the top of my class a year early at the nation’s top university, and I’m your son’s _teacher_.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t be here.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t.”


	4. After Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter full of back-pedaling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your positive comments and kudos! I have no idea what I'm doing right now, but I hope that people continue enjoying this story. As always, feel free to make any suggestions.

He didn’t like being looked down on. He had worked hard to get into a good university, even graduated early so that he had a chance of a scholarship, but it hadn’t stopped anyone from treating him like a child. Medivh had seen through that and he’d had the opportunity of a lifetime because of it, but even then, after he managed to graduate at the top of his class, _summa cum laude_ , with a nearly perfect academic record, something which he was extremely proud of. He’d also managed to get a job, pay his bills on time, and find something close to a friend in Garona.

And he felt something for Lothar, _really_ felt something. He hated to admit it, but he wanted him. Yes, he was _very_ much a man for that. But that didn’t mean anything now, did it?

“Leaving already, Khadgar?” Taria was looking at him with raised eyebrows.

“I’m sorry, Taria, really I am, but I don’t think I’m the right person to help Anduin right now. He needs someone he respects if you expect to get through to him.”

“Did something happen?”

“Respectfully, I don’t think it would be right to talk to you about it. You’re his sister and he needs you. Please just let me step out quietly so that Callan doesn’t know that anything is amiss.”

“Didn’t Lothar bring you here?”

“Oh god. I knew that carpooling wasn’t the way to go. Every time I’ve done it, something goes wrong! Last time, I went with my coworker, Garona, and we ended up stranded in the middle of nowhere, but that wasn’t enough of a hint for me to stop. What do I do?”

She smiled a sad, delicate smile. “My brother has always been difficult. It gets worse with age. Go talk to him.”

_Just drop it, kid._ It wasn’t in his nature to leave things alone. His teachers had always known that he was curious; it was a miracle that it hadn’t caused more trouble. He had always been the one to find their secrets, to search for answers when there weren’t any questions.

He found Lothar sitting on a rock near the pond, staring into the distance like a man who wanted to forget. For a moment, Khadgar hesitated. It seemed wrong to interrupt Lothar’s reverie even if it was to make peace. He didn’t know if he _wanted_ to make peace.

He cleared his throat. Lothar didn’t seem to notice. He cleared his throat again. _This is ridiculous._

“You can pretend not to hear me all you want, but you’re my ride home, so you can’t avoid me forever.”

“Medivh can drive you home.”

“I can see that age has brought you maturity,” he said bitterly.

“Oh, _real_ nice. Is that what you teach your students?”

“The only petulant child I’ve had in my classroom is you, Lothar. Maybe if you’d had a teacher like me, you wouldn’t act this way.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Then let me clear things up for you. You say that you want to be friends and invite me to your sister’s house, and I agreed, even if it seemed strange to me. Then you call me at a strange hour and tell me you want to make other plans, but I didn’t care. When I come to meet you, you say you’ve changed your mind _again,_ and when we go for a walk you act strange because I’m close to one of your friends and then you insult me on top of that.”

Lothar jumped to his feet. “I didn’t insult you! I never insulted you!”

“You don’t even realize that you did! I’m not a child, Lothar, and you know it. I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but I don’t like it.”

“This is who I am, Khadgar. You don’t have to like it.”

“I don’t believe that. I wish I could. Maybe then I wouldn’t have to be the one to sort through this mess and figure out what’s really bothering you, and I don’t just mean at this party.”

“No one asked you to help me,” Lothar said.

“You did,” he said. “You may not have said ‘Khadgar, I need you to help me’, but you didn’t have to.”

Lothar finally looked at Khadgar, and the intensity of his stare made Khadgar uneasy. He took a step toward Khadgar, then another, drawing closer as if testing Khadgar’s limits. “I really think you’re getting in over your head here, bookworm.”

Leave it to Lothar to put that nickname between them at a time like this. “You don’t know me very well at all. I can’t stay out of this now. It’s impossible.”

Lothar sighed. “I don’t know if I can do it. I’ve never talked to anyone about it, even Cally.”

“Why haven’t you?”

Lothar shrugged. “Don’t know.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“I don’t think you’re a kid, I really don’t. Is that what made you all defensive, when I called you a kid?”

Khadgar nodded. “Why did you say it if you didn’t mean it?”

“Because I’m an idiot, and you called Medivh your dad. It got under my skin, I guess.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I don’t want to be your uncle, Khadgar, or your dad, or whatever that makes me. It’s not how I see you. It can’t be how I see you.”

Khadgar wondered for a moment if he misunderstood. Was it possible that Lothar was interested in him? Did he dare to ask?

“Come here,” Lothar said.

He took Khadgar by the forearm and let him forward gently until he was just inches away. Khadgar had to remind himself to breathe, and even then it didn’t feel like he was doing it right, like he’d forgotten how to work his lungs. He wondered what came next. Was he supposed to wait for Lothar, or was he supposed to kiss him? Was that what they were doing, having a moment?

“Dad! Where are you! Aunt Taria’s gonna cut the pie!”

“Tell her to wait five seconds!” He smiled at Khadgar apologetically. “Still think it’s nice to have a sister, bookworm?”

“Ask me later.”

Lothar smirked. “Too flustered?”

“Don’t act so smug or I’ll ask your sister to drive me home.”

 

Lothar poked at his apple pie with his fork. Callan was already begging for a second piece, but Lothar hadn’t started his first. He looked over to Khadgar; the teacher was taking a too-large bite out his pie. When some of it fell off the fork, he picked it up with his fingers and stuffed it into his mouth. It was like he didn’t remember what had almost happened.

“How can you eat right now?” Lothar hissed.

Khadgar blinked innocently. “Oh, are you too flustered to eat?”

“Very funny.” He couldn’t help but smile. “God, you’re messier than Callan.”

“At least I’m not playing with my food.”

The kid had some fight in him.

 

It seemed too soon when they pulled up to the school. Khadgar didn’t want the strange day to end. More than that, he didn’t want to leave Lothar just yet. He wished that he knew what to say to breach the subject of all that had happened between them that day, but he’d never been close to kissing someone before and didn’t have any idea what he was supposed to do. He opened the door and stepped out into the open air, and was relieved when Lothar did the same.

“You sure I can’t drive you home?”

“It’s only a block away,” Khadgar said. “It’s the only exercise I get.”

Lothar was close to him now, closer than he had been before. Khadgar swore that he could see a touch of green in Lothar’s blue eyes, could feel his breath on his face. He had anticipated this since their time by the lake, had _wanted_ it.

“Wait.”

Lothar’s jaw clenched and he took a step away. Khadgar knew he had to say something before he got back in the car and everything was ruined.

“It’s not that I don’t want to. Believe me, I do. It’s just...” he sighed. “I really hope that I don’t regret saying this. I need to be sure that this isn’t some whim of yours.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because you’ve been struggling with being alone, and because I’m so much younger than you. Don’t misinterpret what I’m saying: I like that you’ve lived more of a life than I have, and I like that you have a son, and I even like your son. I don’t even mind that you clearly have other things going on, as much as I don’t know what I’m getting into. But I don’t want to jump into this if I don’t know where we’re going, and I don’t want to make any mistakes when your son is in the middle. You understand that, don’t you?”

Lothar’s expression softened. “Sure I do.”

“Good night, then. And thank you. For still taking me to lunch, I mean. Despite your headache.”

Khadgar started toward his house, as reluctant as he was to leave, knowing that he always called Garona on Sunday nights even when she said she didn’t want to be bothered. He had never felt as alone as he did now, when he could have Lothar but had been forced to turn away by his own good sense. For once, he wished that he could make a bad decision.

“You knew that it wasn’t a headache,” Lothar said at last. “Even when I called you, you knew.”

“It’s all the reading and the snooping,” Khadgar said. “It made me intuitive, I guess.”

“I have trouble sleeping sometimes. Bad dreams, too. When Cally died, we stayed with Taria for a while, and she always thought that it was because of her.”

“It wasn’t, was it?”

“No, it wasn’t. And I don’t want her to ever know that. I don’t want anyone to know, not Medivh, especially not Callan.”

“But you’re telling me.” Khadgar turned to face Lothar. He was leaning against the car, hands in his pockets.

“I’m telling you.”

“Your military background… it wasn’t just peace time service, was it?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Lothar didn’t look at him. He kept his eyes on the pavement.

“I won’t make you. I just want to know if that’s the reason. If that’s the other thing in your life that you’re struggling with.”

Lothar laughed. “That’s not all of it. God, I wish it was just that. I’m an alcoholic. I’ve been an alcoholic since before I was with my wife.”

“But you’re sober. I mean, you’re sober, aren’t you?”

“Twenty-eight months,” he said. “Close to twenty-nine. It’s not a secret, but it’s not something I talk about at dinner parties. You don’t want to be a whim; I don’t want you to come into whatever this is not knowing what you’re getting into.”

“Give it time. We’ll see if we can work it out. Either way,” he cleared his throat. “I’d still like to, you know. Not that I would, of course. But I’d like to.”

Lothar’s lips slanted upward. “You’re really new to this.”

“What gave that away.”

“You don’t say it, you just _do_ it. It would be the hardest thing in the world for you, not talking for all that time.”

“I’m going home, Lothar.”

For some reason, he couldn’t stop grinning all the way home.

 

 


	5. Appointment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter because I have no life~

_Yesterday was fine,_ Lothar assured himself as he pulled on a shirt that he thought was clean. So what if he’d gotten into a stupid half-argument with Khadgar because he was jealous? So what if he’d stumbled around kissing him and then confessed to being an alcoholic? At least now, he knew that Khadgar was interested. That was something.

He shook Callan awake for the second time. “Come on, you need to get dressed.”

“But it’s _early_.”

“We’re leaving early. Come on, I have to go to the doctor today.”

Callan buried his head under the covers.

“That’s it. You’ve done it now.” He bent over the bed and scooped Callan up, blankets and all, and threw him over his shoulders. Under his iron grip, Callan squirmed and giggled, but he carried him into the living room like he didn’t notice.

“Let me go, Dad!”

Lothar dropped him on the couch and watched as he rolled out of the blanket and onto the floor. _I’m too old for this_ , he thought, but he had to laugh at the way Callan tried to shove him over and failed miserably. “Better get some clothes on.”

Usually he would have breakfast ready for Callan, but Lothar had decided that he would be fine with a school breakfast one day out of the year. Callan didn’t seem to notice the difference. _Kids._

His son broke into a run when he got out to the car, and ran _straight_ to Khadgar.

Lothar smiled when he saw his son with Khadgar, but the smile left his lips when he saw that Khadgar was smiling at his very curvy, very _female_ company.

“Thought you didn’t have any friends, bookworm!” he called.

Khadgar had the decency to look embarrassed. The woman next to him rolled her eyes. “We’re not friends.”

“Garona doesn’t know how to make friends,” Khadgar said, “but I suppose I’m the next best thing. She teaches here, and we’re neighbors. You’re here early.”

“Appointment. Could you make sure that Callan eats something?”

“I don’t see why not.” He smiled.

“Good. And try to teach him something today.”

 

He never looked forward to these appointments. He doubted anyone did. It had been worse before, before he’d been considered stable, when he would sit in the lobby week after week alone, trying not to look at anyone else, hoping that no one would recognize him or bother to ask why he was there. The initial shame was gone now, at least enough that he could go into the building without fear. That was a step in the right direction.

He wasn’t sure he was ready for any more steps.

When they called him inside, he made himself comfortable and slouched into a chair. He figured there was no need to be formal here, or to impress his doctor. Let her think what she wanted.

“Anduin. How are you doing with the Zoloft?”

He shrugged. “Fine, I guess. Better than before. Still can’t sleep, though, half the time.”

“Any nightmares?”

“I told you there were,” he snapped.

She typed something into her computer. “We could try something that may help you with the nightmares if you’d like. I know that before you were resistant to the idea of being on more than one medication, but if these nightmares are having a negative impact on your life, I would write the prescription.”

“You do that.”

She made a satisfied sound. “I’d also like to remind you that some of the negative symptoms you’re experiencing may be aided if you seek out a therapist.”

_“No._ ”

“I understand that you were hoping that these problems would resolve themselves on their own, Anduin, but mental illness doesn’t work that way. Even medication may not be enough.”

“I said no, and don’t call it that! It’s not… I’m not… Just give me the damn pills.”

It was irrational and Lothar knew it, but he didn’t care. It was bad enough that he had to come here, bad enough that he had to resort to medication instead of solving his problems on his own. He didn’t need to add therapy on to that.

“I sent your prescription to your pharmacy digitally. Schedule an appointment with me in four weeks so that we can discuss how the new medication is working.” With that, she gave him a wry smile and sent him on his way.

He hated going to the pharmacy more than he hated going to the doctor. Maybe it was because of the hour-long drive to and from the office, but he was exhausted by the time he was able to pick up his medication, and the delay with digital orders only added to his dark mood. _You’d think that technology would make this faster, not slower._

Lothar wondered when Khadgar’s lunch was and decided it wouldn’t hurt to send him a message.

 

 

Garona brought them both stuffed bell peppers for lunch. Khadgar couldn’t help but marvel at the idea of Garona doing anything domestic, but he accepted the gift without a word. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket and glanced at it. It was Lothar.

_Back in town. Able to slip out for lunch?_

He knew that he was smiling like an idiot by the way that Garona looked at him. Let her look.

_I’m afraid not. I have to supervise the students here. Your son is one of them, remember?_

_Otherwise you’d say yes?_

_You know that I would._

_Shame. One of these days maybe we’ll go on a date without supervision._

Khadgar sputtered at the word ‘date’. “What is it now?” Garona said.

“He wants to go on a date.”

“With you?”

“That’s what he said. Why do you sound so surprised?”

She snickered. “Someone’s hot for teacher.”

His face burned with embarrassment. “One, don’t ever say that again. Two, what am I supposed to do? I’ve never been on a date. The only relationship knowledge I have is from watching _Full House_ , and you see how that’s worked out.”

“Just stop thinking so much.”

“But I _can’t_!”

Garona gave him a _look. “_ Fine, I’ll try to think less.”

_Would your sister let you out of the house for that?_

_Depends. Is there a chance I could get you to kiss me?_

_I don’t see why your sister would_ _care whether I would._

_You don’t know Taria. Yesterday was a disaster. How else will I know if you’re still interested?_

Khadgar shook his head. _You’re an idiot._

_Better than a no._

His class had gym class Monday afternoons, so Khadgar was free to finish writing short letters to his students (or rather, letters about his students for their parents) to send home. He saved the hardest one for last, because he knew that Callan Lothar’s letter meant more than the others, even though it wasn’t meant to, because of Callan’s father. He chewed at the end of his pen absently.

_Callan showed an early interest in learning and is always responsive and cooperative in class._ No, that was too formal, wasn’t it? _I really think that Callan has a lot of potential_ was too vague, but weren’t these letters supposed to be vague? He tried again. This time he would just say what he meant. He was good at that most of the time.

_I really struggled to write anything about Callan because there’s so much to say. He’s always attentive and interested in what we’re learning, and he’s a quick learner. He’s well behaved – I suppose I have you to thank for that – and has already showed that he’s able to work well with other students. I think it would benefit him to join the school’s gifted program, which, I hope you will be glad to know, is an extra undertaking of mine meant for students who show extra promise. Of course, it’s more complicated than that, but we can discuss the details at a later date, should you be interested. You know how to reach me._

_While the purpose of these letters is to inform parents of their child’s academic progress early in the school year, I think it’s important that I mention that Callan has made room for his cousin at his lunch table every day._ _I mention this because some children would rather be with their peers than_ _interact with younger children._ _I would think that this is because you and your sister are so close, and you’ve set a good example for your son. He wrote a_ _n essay, which I will keep here until I am able to pass it on to you, and in that essay Callan spoke again and again about how much he idolizes you, his father._

_I’m sure that this is the longest letter I have written to a parent that didn’t require disciplinary action. Typically my letters to parents this year have been short, a paragraph at most, but I believe that Callan is a special boy, and it felt wrong to try to contain the many things I could say about him on a strip of paper when I could fill a page._

_Khadgar_

 


	6. Serious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Babes getting domestic.

“I have a letter for you from my teacher,” Callan said when he climbed into the car.

Lothar’s mind jumped to the worst. “A letter? What, did you get in trouble or something?”

“No!”

“I’ll read it when we get home,” Lothar said.

Callan scrambled to the door to get out of the rain, and Lothar wasn’t far behind him. Together they went into the living room, Callan to turn on the television, Lothar to open the letter. He had never seen Khadgar’s handwriting before. It was small and clean, angular, like he imagined a practiced script might be. Very Khadgar.

As he read the letter, he felt pride growing in his chest. Someone had taken the time to notice Callan as more than just another student. Someone had taken the time to praise him, to say that he showed promise. He’d taken time to praise Lothar too, and Lothar knew that Khadgar wouldn’t have written the words if he didn’t mean them. He would have to keep the letter to show Callan when he was older, and to pull out when he had a bad day.

Callan was still giving the television his full attention. Lothar dug his cell phone out of his pocket and walked into the kitchen to make his phone call.

“Lothar?”

“I got your love letter to my son,” he said as he spread mayonnaise onto wheat bread.

“I-I wrote them for all the students. Not that exact letter, you understand, but letters. It’s kind of a tradition now. People seem to like it.”

“I don’t think anyone has said so many positive things about my son. Hell, I don’t think _I’ve_ said so many positive things about him. Did you really get that much out of a week of knowing him?”

“I had Medivh as a mentor before I became an educator. He showed me how to look at my students, how to see who’s naturally inclined to learning and who’s struggling and who’s troubled. It’s important to really see your students, especially the good, when they’re so young.”

“You know, you’re really something.”

“You really think so?” he said, breathless.

“Come see me. I’ll give you the address. I’ll even order something to eat so that you don’t have to worry about dinner.”

“You want me to come over while Callan’s with you?”

“It’s not like he’s never met you. You wanted to know that I’m serious. I wouldn’t let you around my son in my home if I wasn’t.”

“If you send me your address, I’ll come.”

 

Lothar stepped into the living room. “Your teacher is coming over here soon,” he said. “I want you to be on your best behavior, do you understand?”

He nodded.

Lothar paced behind the couch. Today would be a good day, he told himself. He would answer the door and he would kiss Khadgar before he had the chance to think about it, and he’d be damned if he wouldn’t like it. It would be that easy. He didn’t know why he’d made such a big deal out of it before.

When he heard a knock at the door, he took a moment to calm his breathing. _Don’t act like a virgin, Lothar._ He opened the door, and Khadgar was standing at the doorway, eyes wide, still in the gray sweater he’d worn to school. He was half-soaked from the rain. Had he walked?

“I hope I’m not too early. I know you mentioned dinner, but you really sounded like you wanted me to come over before that, and I didn’t know when you eat dinner-”

Lothar took Khadgar’s face in his hands and met his lips before he had the chance to say more. Khadgar’s lips were soft and feather-light on his, almost hesitant. He rested his forehead against Khadgar’s and brushed lips with him again gently, chastely. When he opened his eyes, Khadgar’s brown eyes were looking back at him.

“You didn’t say hello.”

Lothar smiled. “Hello. I know you wanted to wait for this, but…” he kissed the corner of Khadgar’s mouth. “I couldn’t help myself.”

“I’m not complaining. I could get used to this. That is, if you wanted me to. I don’t know if tht was good, for you I mean. I’ve never actually kissed anyone.” He blushed.

“I’ll give you plenty of practice,” Lothar said. Seeing Khadgar with pink cheeks, looking up at him with dark eyes under dark lashes, made Lothar giddy. He could see that Khadgar wanted him, was transfixed by him. He didn’t want to move his hands from Khadgar’s face; he didn’t want to step away, but he knew that he had to.

“Callan’s in the living room,” he murmured.

“Right. Seeing his father kissing his teacher may not be something that he’s prepared for.” Too soon, Khadgar stepped away, and Lothar motioned for him to come inside.

“You want me to see if I've got something for you to change into? Can't believe you walked here. You'll get sick that way. Something wrong with your car?”

“Not really. I just don't like to drive. You know, I'm not sure that any of your clothes would actually fit me...”

“Just come here and let me look.”

Lothar guessed that he might still have clothes of Llane's somewhere in his closet that he hadn't bothered to give back. That seemed likely. He knew what he was looking for: pajamas, mostly, or the last remains of anything but the too-formal clothes that his job forced him to wear these days. It would be strange to see Khadgar in Llane's clothes, but they weren't really his now.

He dug out a pair of dark sweat pants and an old t-shirt. “This is the best I've got,” he said. “Should be fine for just wearing around the house.”

“I really appreciate it. It's my fault for not having some kind of rain coat. I didn't really plan ahead for rain... or snow.” He grimaced. “At least the kids will get some use out of their rain filters.”

“Shit.”

“You didn't put it outside, did you?”

“No, but you know, I bet if we just bring it in here and wring your clothes dry-”

“It doesn't work like that. Now get out while I change.”

He fought to keep a straight face.

“Where's Mr. Khadgar?” Callan asked. He had turned away from the television long enough to see that his father was standing alone behind the couch.

“He had to change. He walked here in the rain without an umbrella.”

“Why?”

“I don't know, to make you ask questions. Are you watching the TV or not?”

Callan considered. “Not.”

“What do you want to do, then? You can't go outside.”

“We could play a game.”

Lothar shook his head. “Maybe tomorrow. Adults don't always want to play games with kids.”

“Mr. Khadgar would do it. He does things with us every day.”

“That's because it's his job.”

“Well it wouldn't be his job if he didn't like it. That's what Aunt Taria said to Uncle Llane Sunday.”

He gritted his teeth. _Leave it to Taria to tell Llane before anything even happened._ “What _else_ did your aunt Taria say?”

Callan shrugged. “I dunno, I was in the pool.”

Lothar heard the bedroom door close as Khadgar stepped into the living room. “Sorry that took so long. I didn't know where to put my clothes, and I didn't want them to drip on anything. I just left them in your bathroom sink. I hope that's okay.”

“I can put them in the dryer if you want, or Callan can throw them in for you.”

“Oh, I would appreciate it.”

“Callan, go into my bathroom and grab-”

“I heard you,” Callan said. “I'll be right back.” He smiled sweetly at Khadgar as he brushed past him.

“So, dinner. I got what I needed for a pizza today, since Callan begged me all last week. Make yourself at home and I'll get it ready.”

“Alternatively, I could help you and we could get it in the oven faster, and I wouldn't have to sit alone in your living room while you do all the work.”

“You won't be alone. Callan won't be in the laundry room forever.”

Khadgar grinned. “Callan could help. He might like that.”

“Of course he'd like that. He's not the one cleaning up his mess. Last time Taria stayed over, they tried to bake, and there was flour everywhere. I don't know how he does it.”

“I have a class full of children his age five days a week. Part of doing any activity with them is learning to deal with the mess, or even to contain it. We'll find something for him that isn't quite as messy. You'll see.” Lothar wanted to protest, but the look on Khadgar's face told him that there would be no dissuading him.

“I'll believe it when I see it,” Lothar said. “How about you cut some toppings while I get this dough ready?”

“Sure thing.”

Lothar couldn't remember the last time he'd had another person in his kitchen. It felt right, having Khadgar near him. He kneaded the dough and stole a glance at the young man chopping mushrooms. Was it possible for the feeling to last, or would it be stripped away from him just as he was getting used to the idea of having something?

“Dough's ready. Callan, get in here and tell me what you want on your part of the pizza!”

Callan wasted no time coming to his father's side. “Can I help?”

“Ask Khadgar.” _He thinks he knows everything, after all._

“Come here, Callan. Let's pick what to put on the pizza while your dad puts the sauce on. What do you like?”

His son was eager to point out the things that he liked. It gave Lothar time to be precise about spreading his sauce; he was more than a little picky about the amount of sauce on his pizza, something Taria had always teased him about in their youth.

“Are you ready for us, Lothar?”

“Just don't make a mess.”

“We won't.” He carried the cutting board full of toppings to the pan and waited for Callan to bother him. Lothar was glad that it didn't take long. “Do you want a little bit of cheese or a lot of cheese?”

“Lots of cheese.”

Khadgar pinched some cheese and went to work spreading it on the pizza. “Did you have a preference, Anduin?”

Not _Lothar,_ just _Anduin._ He liked that. “I don't care. The right half of the pan is mine, so just leave the toppings on that half to me once you're done.”

Khadgar turned to Callan. “Okay, so if we do the pepperoni first, we'll put it on pretty evenly. If I do the first two or three, you can do the rest. Does that sound good?”

Callan nodded.

“Okay, so do you see how they're just a little bit spread out, but they're pretty even? Do it just like that, or as close as you can get them to that.”

Callan narrowed his eyes in concentration and laid a pepperoni down with care. “Is that right?”

“Just like that.”

They proceeded with the mushrooms and bits of pepper. Lothar knew that he could have made the pizza by himself in half the time, but seeing Callan taking so much care to do _anything_ was worth the delay, he decided. Khadgar was good with him, better than he expected. Part of him knew that it was Khadgar's job to be good with children, but it felt like more than that. It had to be more than that. Khadgar could grow to love Callan. He could grow to love them both.

“You can turn on the computer until dinner,” he said to Callan as he slid the pizza into the oven. “You know what you're allowed to do. If you break any rules, I'll know.”

Finally he had a moment alone with Khadgar, and he didn't know where to begin. Things were different now. Things needed to be right. There was too much at stake if Khadgar walked out now. As much as he wanted to say something to explain himself, he knew that he couldn't find the words, that anything he said might ruin the moment of happiness he had. He drew closer to Khadgar and wrapped an arm around his waist. He waited to see if the younger man would pull away, but there were no protests, no signs that he didn't want what Lothar wanted. When he looked at Khadgar, he was smiling, and the smile nearly broke him.

He kissed Khadgar, and all earlier notions of gentleness were gone. He ran a hand through Khadgar's hair; it was as soft as he imagined it would be. He nipped at Khadgar's bottom lip, and he gasped out in surprise. Anduin explored his mouth with his tongue, wanting more, wanting anything to be closer to Khadgar. He felt Kahdgar's hands exploring his chest and gripped him tighter. Too soon, he broke away to breathe, and Khadgar watched him, wide-eyed, face flushed and mouth agape.

“If you look at me like that, I'll do it again and your dinner will burn,” Lothar warned him.

“I'm sorry, I just... wow. I've never felt like that before. _Wow_ , Anduin.” He grinned. “How is it that you're in your house doing this with me when there are people out there who know what they're doing?”

He patted Khadgar on the shoulder in a way that felt entirely too platonic for his liking, then leaned in to kiss his forehead. “You studied under Medivh, remember? That means you're a fast learner.”

“Hmm, don't bring up Medivh right now. I'd rather not think about him.”

“You're telling me.” He eyed Khadgar. “God, if Callan wasn't in the next room-”

“It wouldn't make that much of a difference. I'm not there, Anduin. At least, not yet.” His cheeks turned a deep shade of red. “For now, this is enough for me. You get that, right?”

“Sure, yeah, of course I do.” At least, he thought he did.

“Good, because I like you more than I knew was possible, and I don't want to lose that. And I really like Callan, and I'm glad that you have Callan, because I don't think that I'll ever have a son of my own, and if this turns into something, I could come to see him as my family. I could even see Taria as a part of my family. But that's what I'm looking for: something long-term, and I need you to see that.”

“You think that I don't see that?” Anduin grabbed Khadgar's hands and held them in his own. “I wouldn't have invited you to have lunch with my sister, as much as she insisted, if I didn't want that, and I _definitely_ wouldn't have you here with my son, teacher or not. I haven't had a single person in this house since Cally died besides Callan and me, not even my sister, because I couldn't stand it. I saw so many men die, and then Cally died on me too. Even Llane and Medivh, they don't see me the same way, not after they saw what the drinking did. Taria loves me, but she doesn't know what to do with me. Hell, I don't know what to do with me.

I can't just bring people in and out of my life. It _terrifies_ me. Having you here terrifies me. Seeing you terrifies me. Seeing you talk to anyone but us terrifies me, and it eats at me, and I know that it shouldn't, but it does because I want you more than you know.”

Lothar's own voice sounded alien to him. He fought to hold himself together, but he was trembling, and gripping Khadgar's hands so hard that his fingers were turning white. He loosened his grip. _What have I done?_

“I should take the pizza out,” he said lamely.

“Don't do that. Don't act like you didn't just say all that you said.”

“I didn't want to say any of it,” he said as he set the pizza pan on the counter.

“But you did say it, and it was wonderful, and I'm touched.” He looked at Lothar with one of those sweet little smiles that told him he'd done something right. “Now come on, let's eat.”

 


	7. Phone Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late-night phone call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured that for the sake of a daily update, I'd write a short chapter. And because I don't want to get too sickly sweet and because it was like 5 AM, I ended up writing a phone call that seemed to drag on a little. Hopefully it didn't turn out too dull. As always, thank you for your lovely comments. I try to read and reply to every one. :)

He spends that night the same way that he spends most nights, sitting in his recliner with a book in his hands, too absorbed in his reading to bother to check the time until he realizes that he should have been in bed hours ago. It feels different to him, though, as it does from time to time; something nags at him until he reads the same sentence ten times and still doesn't make sense of it. Khadgar shuts the book and looks at the clock: three AM.

He can't sleep, not yet, so he picks up the phone and dials the number of the one person he knows will be awake at this hour without fail. He calls Medivh.

“Do you ever worry that no matter how much you try to help someone, it may never be enough?” he says. His voice is like a child's voice, small and strange to his ears.

“Occasionally, when you call me in the middle of the night and ask me questions like this. What's on your mind now?”

Perhaps he shouldn't say; Medivh is Lothar's old friend, after all, and friendships are more important than his inquiries, even the ones for Lothar's own good. Still, he cannot stand it, the wondering, and so he speaks before he can think better of it. “It's Lothar. He has so much going on with the past, all these issues he hasn't resolved. It doesn't bother me that he has them, but I don't think he knows how to help himself, and I feel like I'm out of my depth, trying to pull him out of the mud all alone. I can't leave him be, and I don't want to, but I see flashes of it and I don't know what to do.”

For a moment, Medivh says nothing. Khadgar is familiar with these pauses. He knows that Medivh always knows what he wants to say, but he has to take the time to arrange the ideas into words that will hold no destructive power. Many brilliant men are that way, Khadgar supposes. “You are talking about a man who's been pushing his problems down, hoping that they will go away for as long as you've been alive. The truth is that there is very little that you can do. People aren't as clean as the knowledge we seek; there is no easy fix, no moment of revelation that will make Anduin well, and you will do him a disservice if you hope for one.”

“You know what's wrong with him, don't you? You're too clever not to know.”

Medivh lets out a sound close to a laugh. “It doesn't take that. He may not see it, but he projects his baggage onto everything. Yes, I've known for a long time, but if I hadn't, I would by now.”

“What do I do? What can I say, how can I act that might help him?”

“Challenge him to reveal to you what he's trying to hide – the fear, the guilt, the loneliness. Let him have those feelings, but don't let him dwell in those moments when they threaten to overwhelm him. Much like you or I might get overwhelmed in our search for knowledge, he finds himself unable to see past what he experiences in the moment. Khadgar, it won't be easy to be with him. Fear too easily becomes anger, and fear drives him to push people away. Dedicate yourself to him if that is what you desire, but do not sacrifice your own happiness for him. Do you understand?”

“Yes. Not truly, but I will keep your words in mind.”

Another long moment of silence. “I worry about you. I worry about a great many things these days, it seems.”

“Your guidance is all that gets me through some days,” Khadgar admits. “How is it that I've come to depend so heavily on your advice, when you seemed so unwilling to be a mentor to anyone?”

“It happens that we are very much the same. We bury ourselves in books and shroud ourselves with achievements until we almost forget how much disconnected we are. Even now, as I miss Llane and Lothar and the times we had as youths, it is your probing questions and irksome habits that I find myself remembering.”

“Perhaps I should have been your son. Perhaps I wouldn't have felt so alone.”

“Or perhaps you would have felt more alone than ever. Students are easier to handle than children, less delicate if you mishandle them, as you well know.”

 _Less delicate if you mishandle them._ “You know there's a child involved in all of this. Callan Lothar.”

“Yes, yes, of course.” He could imagine Medivh waving a hand in dismissal. “He's too young to understand, though he may have some notion of problems in the household. I've seen him; he seems well-adjusted, if thirsty for Anduin's approval. The two of you have that in common.”

Khadgar sighs. “I don't want his approval, I just want-”

“His bed? No need to explain yourself to me. Do not mistake me; I believe that you will prove to be the push that Anduin needs to change. He won't want to risk the hole that you would leave in his life. Do not exploit that, but do not underestimate it.”

“I wouldn't exploit him.”

“No, I don't imagine you would. Go to sleep, Trust. You have the rest of the week to get through, and so do I.”

Khadgar smiles. “You won't sleep even after I've gone to bed.”

“No, probably not, but you should rest all the same.”

“Well, thank you, Medivh. I know that maybe I shouldn't have called since the two of you have been friends for so long, but I didn't have anywhere else to turn. So thank you.”

He hears the _click_ on the other end and isn't surprised; Medivh isn't prone to shows of affection. Some nights he wonders what it might have been like to be Medivh's son, but tonight he knows that there would be no chance of a romance with Anduin if he had been born to his mentor. As confused as he feels, he wants Anduin. He wants to believe that Anduin wants him, but something about it seems so unlikely, given what he knows about himself. He imagines that Anduin will inevitably be disappointed with what Khadgar has to give, but he holds on to the small bit of hope that his past achievements offers him. If he was able to come as far as he has, surely Anduin Lothar will be a minor obstacle. He looks at his phone a final time and decides to send Anduin a short message.

_I think I've earned that unsupervised date. How does Saturday sound?_

When he glances at the clock, he’s sure that this will prove to be one of the longest days of his teaching career, with or without the promise of a date.


	8. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Babes go on a date.

He counted down the days until Saturday. It was alien to him, feeling truly excited about anything, and he didn’t know what to do with himself until the time came. Lothar was restless all week, filled with energy that he shouldn’t have had at his age, and he knew that the cause had to be a certain cute young teacher who was almost in his grasp.

When the day finally came, he took Callan to stay with Taria. Varian greeted them with a shy smile and the boys ran into the living room to play some new game together. Lothar was relieved to see that his son was so at ease – it made leaving him at home so much easier.

“I don’t know when I’ll be home,” he told his sister.

“Don’t worry about it. Stay out as late as you want. Stay out all night if you want.” He would have thought nothing of it if he hadn’t seen her sly smile.

“Maybe I will. Don’t expect any details.”

The worst part of the week had been thinking of a date that Khadgar might enjoy that wouldn’t bore him out of his mind. Nothing too formal, he’d decided, because he’d never done well on formal dates even when he’d asked Cally to marry him. No bars, because he didn’t want to be surrounded by the smell of something he couldn’t have, and because he couldn’t imagine Khadgar feeling comfortable in a place like that. He knew that Khadgar had a lot in common with Medivh, and he knew that Medivh liked things that challenged his mind: plays, lectures, reading, but Lothar didn’t care for any of those things.

He had a plan, and a good one at that.

He’d dressed in a pair of jeans and one of his old Army t-shirts. Cally had loved the way that he looked in those shirts, and he hoped that the effect on Khadgar would be the same. When he picked up Khadgar, he saw that he was dressed in a deep blue polo and khakis. Leave it to him not to own any jeans.

“You’re early,” Khadgar said.

“And you were outside waiting for me,” Lothar told him with a smile. “I hope you’re ready for a good time, because I’m about to show you one.” He put an arm around Khadgar’s shoulders.

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

“Nope.”

“What if I don’t like surprises?”  
Lothar had never thought of that. “I thought everyone liked surprises.”

“Oh, I love them. I just wondered what you would do if I didn’t. I’ve been waiting for this all week, you know.”

They spent the rest of the short ride in comfortable silence. When they pulled into the parking lot and Lothar turned the car off, Khadgar’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Bowling?”

“This is fine, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never actually been bowling. I would like to try it, though. I just hope that I don’t embarrass myself.”

“We’ll see how you do,” Lothar said.

Together they walked into the bowling alley and rented their bowling shoes. Lothar went to order a pizza while Khadgar took care to tie his bowling shoes and tucked the laces into the sides of the shoes. When Lothar returned, he plopped the box of pizza onto the table. “I eat other food, I swear,” he said. “This is just what you eat when you come here.”

“This is fine, believe me. Garona started an experimental cooking class, and I’m the lucky one who gets to try her dishes. She’s been a little too creative for my palette, but no one says no to Garona. It’s dangerous.”

Lothar leaned back and watched as Khadgar’s eyes traveled over his body. “See something you like, bookworm?”

The color flooded to Khadgar’s cheeks. “I do. Are we ready? To bowl, I mean.”

“Sure thing. Come choose a ball with me.”

Lothar took Khadgar by the hand and led him to the ball racks. He was used to bowling with Llane before he’d been too busy to stay in town, so he was able to choose a ball with ease. Khadgar studied the balls uncertainly, as if he was afraid to touch them.

“Something the matter?”

“There are so many… What’s the difference?”

“Weight. Don’t choose something too heavy for you. Try them out. You won’t hurt them.”

Khadgar settled for the lightest ball he could find. This was going to be harder than he thought, Lothar decided. At least he would have room to show off. He typed their names into the machine while Khadgar examined the lane, intrigued by the sight of a real bowling alley.

“How is it that you’ve never been bowling?”

Khadgar shrugged. “I was in an all-year private school, then I threw all of my effort into college and my internship, then my job. That’s been my life. I’ve never had room for much else until lately.”

He slipped his fingers into the ball. “Just don’t get too discouraged when you lose miserably.”

“I won’t make any promises.”

 

 

Khadgar watched with wonder as Lothar knocked down all but one pin. He remembered his days at private school, when any activity could be used to pit student against student, and he was grateful that there had never been time for anything but his studies. He wondered what it might feel like if Lothar beat him. Would he feel inadequate, as his teachers coached him to be, or would he feel pride for being with someone who knew what he was doing?

He picked up his ball and held it awkwardly in his hands. Lothar slapped him on the shoulder in a way that was almost brotherly, and he decided that he would do his best for Lothar’s sake. He narrowed his eyes in concentration and let go of the ball, and watched as it rolled into the gutter.

“What did I do wrong?”

Lothar smiled at him. “Come here. When it comes back, I’ll show you.” When the ball rolled back, Lothar gestured at it, and Khadgar picked it up. “Use both your hands if you have to. Here, step up to the lane.”

Khadgar took a few steps forward, and he was pleased that Lothar followed him. He could feel Anduin’s hands on his arms guiding him, feel Anduin’s breath on the back of his neck. A jolt of excitement ran through him. Maybe he could learn to like bowling after all.

“When you move forward, keep your wrist straight for now. You moved your wrist too much last time, and so the ball didn’t go straight. Move with me.”

Following Lothar’s lead, he moved his arm back then forward, back then forward, doing his best to keep his wrist straight all the while. When at last he seemed to have the hang of it, Anduin stepped away.

“Now show me what you can do.”

He brought his arm forward again and released the ball. _Please hit something_ , he willed. _Hit anything. I don’t want to be a slow learner, even if it means touching Lothar again._

Four pins. Khadgar groaned.

“Better,” Lothar said. “You’ll improve with time.”

Khadgar found that he enjoyed himself even as he struggled to hit more than a few pins, and he found that he was genuinely happy to see Lothar win the game by an absurd margin. Lothar’s smile made him smile, and Lothar’s laughter made him laugh, even if it was laughter at his expense. When Lothar guided him to the car, he felt a tinge of sadness at knowing that the night was nearly over.

“How was bowling?” Lothar asked him.

“It was fun. I didn’t want it to end. I don’t think I’ve had this much fun with anyone. Thank you for tonight.”

Anduin glanced at him. “Callan’s staying with his aunt for the night. Stay with me.”

“I told you Monday that I’m not ready for that.”

“I didn’t ask you to sleep with me, Khadgar. I just asked you to stay over.”

Khadgar was puzzled. “Can you do one and not the other?”

“We’re not animals. We can do what we want.”

Khadgar grinned. “I’d like to stay with you, then. Very much.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleepover, abridged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I ended up having a super long day and I'm still not feeling my best, so this chapter's a little on the short side and not quite what I'd like it to be. x.x Maybe I'll revise it at a later date, but I want to stay on my update schedule. Thanks so much for bearing with me!

It wasn't until Lothar tossed his keys into a bowl on the coffee that Khadgar realized that they were truly alone for the first time since their strange relationship had started. The thought both terrified and excited Khadgar. He turned to Lothar, who was watching him expectantly.

“Come here.”

Khadgar felt warmth all around him as Lothar wrapped his arms around him. He threw his arms around Lothar's shoulders and kissed him. He relaxed under Lothar's gentle touch on his face, eager for affection. He sighed as Lothar deepened the kiss, entranced by the warmth of Lothar so close to him, and settled on the couch, bringing Lothar with him. Lothar was everywhere, on top of him, all around him, and he allowed his hands to wander freely over Lothar's chest as the man trailed kisses down his jaw to his throat, becoming more insistent as he moved. He jumped when he felt teeth nip at his neck.

“You're going to leave a mark!”

“Good,” Lothar breathed against him.

“Not good. My job... I can't have my neck all bruised.”

Lothar moved quickly to rid Khadgar of his shirt. “You too,” Khadgar said. He drank in the sight of Lothar before him, the toned muscles, the thin layer of dark hair across his chest, and shrank away. He wasn't anything compared to Lothar. He was too lean from his time spent at the library, too pale, too himself. Lothar smiled at him and he tried to push his worries to the back of his mind. He planted kisses across Khadgar's shoulders and moved down his chest. Khadgar shivered.

“You're driving me crazy,” he gasped.

“Hmm.” Lothar rubbed Khadgar's thigh. Though his touch was feather-light, Khadgar felt himself reacting already. “I might have noticed.”

“That feels so nice, Anduin.”

Lothar moved to Khadgar's stomach. For a moment, he feared that the older man would take things further than he was ready for, but Anduin rested his head on Khadgar's stomach. “What do you say to watching the Food Network with me until we fall asleep?”

“I didn't realize that you liked those kinds of shows.”

“I learn something every now and then. Come on. There's room for two.”

 

He lay with Lothar in bed for a while without saying a word. He was unable to keep his hands off of him after being denied affection for so long in his life; besides, things with Lothar felt _good_ to him, like they were made for each other. He wondered if Lothar would push him away, but he didn't seem to mind Khadgar's physical interest in him.

“After Cally died,” Lothar said at last, “I wanted to keep Callan in the bed with me every night. I was so afraid to lose him, just like I'd lost her. I couldn't take that. For months, Taria and Llane took care of him more than I did. I couldn't even look at him, because I saw her when I did.”

“I'm sorry,” Khadgar said.

“Sometimes I feel like I'm starting to forget her. I can't remember her face like I used to, and the memories we shared aren't vivid like they used to be. I still think of her, especially if I have to make decisions about Callan. It's strange. And now I'm here with you, and I know that she wouldn't be angry with me, not if she could see what I see.”

“I've never lost anyone,” Khadgar admitted. “The program I'm in didn't encourage closeness with other people. I'm sure that there were others that knew that something was missing, but you didn't question the things they taught you, not if you wanted to keep your place in the academy. I almost ran away once or twice, but I could never fathom where I would go or what I would do if I escaped.”

“That must have been hard for you. I don't understand how a place like that could stay open.”

“They had the highest academic ranking in the country. They still do, I imagine. Nobody wants to take down an institution if it looks pristine from the outside. It's what made me want to teach.”

“You must be good at it. Better than good. I think that Callan likes you more than he likes me right now.” Lothar kissed Khadgar's forehead. “Not that I blame him. You're...” He swallowed nervously. “You're pretty great.”

“So are you.”

He drifted to sleep in Lothar's arms.


	10. Problem Solving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When presented with a problem, one big dummy has to solve it while the other looks on in amazement.

The sound of a ringing phone roused Lothar from his slumber. He didn’t want to move away from the warmth that Khadgar radiated, but years as a father had trained him to never ignore a phone call. He tried not to wake Khadgar as he reached for the phone.

“What is it?”

He heard a girlish giggle that could only be Taria. “Late night?”

“No, actually.” He rubbed his eyes and glanced toward his window. It couldn’t be later than eight in the morning, he guessed. “What is it? Is something wrong with Callan, or with Varian? It isn’t Llane is it?”

“You’re so quick to jump to the extremes.”

“That’s because short of an emergency, I can’t fathom why you would call me at this hour when you knew that I had a date. You’re the one who told me to try something with him in the first place, remember?”

“You can go back to sleep, Lothar, but there’s something I need you to do for me today. I bought this entertainment center to put in Varian’s room and I need you to put it together for me. You can even bring Khadgar to help if you like. I’ll pay you with lunch.”

“This is what couldn’t wait until I came over?”

“See to it that you’re not too late. The boys have school tomorrow, and so does your teacher.”

He hung up without saying goodbye. Khadgar rolled closer to him. He looked even younger with his hair unbrushed and Lothar’s old flannel shirt hanging off of him.

“What was that about?”

“Errand for Taria. Nothing important, but she thinks that it needs done today. You could come with me after breakfast.”

“You want me to come to your sister’s house with you?” He smiled a disbelieving smile.

“Believe me, if I don’t, she won’t stop asking me why you’re not there, then Callan will be angry that I got to see you and he didn’t, and I’m not ready to deal with that problem today. So as much as I’d love to keep you here to myself, you should come, you know, if you want.”

“More time with you is something I can’t refuse.”

Breakfast was a quiet affair. It would have been a relaxing one, too, if Lothar could keep his eyes off of Khadgar’s _mouth_ while he ate. He wondered if he was doing it on purpose, teasing him. He licked the syrup of of his hands finger by finger – _god, there’s no way he can’t know –_ then looked up at Lothar, alarmed. “Did I do something wrong?” he asked.

“What? No! Why would you ask that?”

“You’re just giving me this _look_ , and I thought maybe I was eating too much or being too sloppy or something. Or I thought maybe you changed your mind about me coming with you. Everything is okay, isn’t it?”

Lothar grinned. He really didn’t know. “You worry too much. You’re not doing anything wrong. I doubt that you know how. Anyway, come here.”

Khadgar did as he was told. “What is it?”

Lothar kissed him on the lips. His tongue brushed the side of Khadgar’s mouth. “Syrup,” he said. “Thought I’d get it for you.”

“I… you could have… get dressed.”

 

 

“Why are there so many damn pieces?” Lothar growled. “It’s a piece of furniture, not an art project.”

He took another glance at the diagram – _really, constructing a piece of furniture shouldn’t require a fucking diagram under any circumstances_ – and searched for the piece that matched the description. There didn’t seem to be a difference between them, but the instructions said that the pieces connected together, so there had to be something that he was missing.

“Do you want me to take a look at it?” Khadgar asked him.

“No, I’ve got it.” He squinted at two seemingly identical pieces. “Maybe if I got my saw out of the car.”

“You can’t just _saw_ it, Anduin. Really, let me see it. What harm could I do?”

“You’re here to keep me company, not to work,” he insisted.

“What, you think that because I’m sheltered, I’m useless? Is that it?”

Anduin looked away. “Now that you mention it...”

“If you have any respect for me at all, you’ll let me try it.”

Anduin relented and shoved the paper at Khadgar. “You probably won’t make any progress. I’ve been staring at it for close to an hour now, and it still doesn’t make sense.”

He took a short look at the instructions then nodded. “That piece at your feet is the base, and those are all of the edges. The screws in that little bag – you know, the one that you threw at the closet when you didn’t see the label – are what we’ll use to attach the shelves once we’ve put together the actual unit. The other bag, the one you busted open, is what we use to put together the outside. I’d suggest that you tighten the screws while I hold the wood in place, since you don’t seem to be able to make heads or tails of the directions. Can you do that, or do you still want me to go back to keeping you company.”

Lothar just gaped at him. “Hold it up,” he sighed.

They were working on the second row of shelves when he heard Taria’s footsteps approaching. “When I heard the cursing stop, I swore that you were asleep. It looks great.”

“Yeah, well, you owe me more than lunch for this one.” When she walked away, he looked at Khadgar. “I guess that means I owe you one. But how did you figure it out so fast?”

Khadgar shrugged. “It’s like a logic puzzle. They used to have timed problems for us to solve at the academy, real problems they would create for the sake of keeping us at our best. I was always good at them. I knew it would translate well into this.”

“You never fail to surprise me.”


	11. Time Passed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I fast forward to the calm before the storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! It's been a crazy day for me. Classes finally started and I managed to cram all of this week's classwork into one day. Here's another chapter. I hope you enjoy. <3

Lothar knew that he was doing well, better than he had for a long time. He was sure that he hadn’t felt the same blind happiness since he and Taria were children. It was like being young again, seeing Khadgar. He felt _alive_ again, like there was a reason besides Callan for him to wake up in the morning. He knew that Khadgar felt similarly about him, and with that to reassure him, he was sure that he didn’t need to take the pills that were now only a cabinet decoration.

He felt better without the burden of his baggage weighing him down in the following weeks. Khadgar had been kept busy; the school had a fall carnival and Khadgar had enlisted himself in a series of activities related to organization and set-up. It killed Anduin not to see him, but he knew that it was one of Khadgar’s better qualities, and that children like his son would appreciate the result of his efforts. He’d make sure to find a way to show his gratitude.

The day of the carnival dragged on for Anduin, even knowing that Callan would enjoy himself. He tried on every outfit in his closet like a teenager and finally settled on a stiff blue button-up shirt that he was sure would have suited Llane better than it suited him with dress pants that must have been left over from his pre-Callan days. He packed Callan’s bag so that he could stay with Varian as Taria had requested. It was a good day. A good month, really. When evening came, he drove to the school.

“Why are you dressed up?” Callan asked him when he found him in the playground.

“No reason,” Lothar lied. “Are you excited?”

Callan nodded. “We’ll have lots of fun.”

It was colder now then it had been when the school year started, and Lothar was glad that he’d dressed Callan in pants. It was the time of year when the trees started changing colors, and he could see hints of orange and yellow and red beginning to take over what was usually green. He was glad to have gotten Callan so far, and to see that he was so happy with the school year, though part of him was disappointed that his year of having Khadgar as a teacher was going so fast.

“Let’s go inside,” Lothar said.

The gym was already crowded with students and their families. Lothar could see the blinking lights of carnival games all around the room, enough to light the room. He kept his arm on Callan’s shoulder so that he didn’t lose them.

“What first?”

“I want to try everything,” Callan said.

Lothar was happy to trail his son as he traveled from game to game, eager to show off for his father. _Is this what Khadgar would have been like as a child if someone had let him play like children should?_ He knew that Khadgar had been smart, maybe smarter than Callan, and he saw the same excitement that Khadgar carried with him in Callan. Now, as he carried an armful of prizes that Callan had won, he wondered where Khadgar was.

When Callan asked if he could buy them cotton candy to share, Lothar said yes even though he hated it. He let Callan eat his portion then carried the rest.

Callan had deserted him for the company of Taria and Varian by the time he found Khadgar. He was greeted by parent after parent, and Lothar had to resist the urge to grab Khadgar and take him away from all of their eyes. Surely _most_ of the parents were harmless, even as handsome as Khadgar was. He was young, after all, and that had nearly stopped him. Khadgar caught his eye and gave him a small smile of reassurance, and he smiled in response. He didn’t have to worry. Not now.

At the end of the night, he was at Khadgar’s side, ready to help him tear down the carnival if that was what it took to spend more time with him.

“Don’t worry about it,” Khadgar said. “We were at least sensible enough to put together a tear-down committee, and for once I didn’t sign up.”

“Thank god for that. Come home with me.”

“I’m exhausted.”

“I have a bed. You seemed to like it last time.”

“You’ve convinced me.”

He dragged Khadgar into the house. When they reached the bedroom, he jumped onto the bed and pulled Khadgar down with him. He pulled the man close and kissed him hard, his tongue mingling with Khadgar’s as he moved his hands from his hair to his sides. Khadgar melted into the kiss and run his hands under Anduin’s shirt. Anduin growled and nipped at Khadgar’s bottom lip. He felt Khadgar move under him, and he tried to hold Khadgar in place by the waist.

He pulled away long enough to look down at Khadgar. “God, I want you,” he breathed.

“You can have me.”

He kissed Khadgar on the forehead, the eyelids, the lips, and moved down to his neck and chest. He cherished discovering Khadgar’s body and the chills he saw on Khadgar’s skin as he kissed him. When he reached Khadgar’s pants, he took his time unbuttoning them, knowing that there was no rush.

Anduin paused. He wasn’t afraid, not of this, not at his age, but he’d never been with a man before, and he wanted everything to be right. He wondered if he should have watched some videos to help him know what to do, but he pushed those thoughts aside in favor of _doing_.

He took Khadgar in his mouth carefully. It was a strange feeling, but he liked it, and from the intake of breath he heard from Khadgar, he guessed that the feeling was mutual. He ran his tongue slowly down the length of him, taking care to keep his teeth from scraping Khadgar. He kept a strong hand on Khadgar’s hip to keep him from moving. Khadgar gasped.

“God, Anduin, that’s amazing.”

A strange thrill ran through Anduin at hearing Khadgar’s praise. He wanted to see what else he could make him say. He opened his eyes and looked up at Khadgar through his lashes, to find that Khadgar was watching him.

“Don’t stop. Please.” He closed his eyes and ran a hand through Anduin’s hair. The way his lips parted when Anduin quickened his pace, the way his face was flushed, told Lothar that he was doing something right. He reached down to touch himself, unable to hold back any longer.

“I can’t… I’m going to...”

Anduin didn’t pull away. He found his release soon after he felt Khadgar relax beneath him, then sat up on the bed. “We should clean up,” he panted.

“Right. Good plan.”

When they were clean and in night clothes, Lothar wrapped an arm around Khadgar and turned on the television. One of his favorite black and white movies played at low volume, and he couldn’t help but smile as he watched it.

“Classic movies? You really are a relic.”

“They’re classic for a reason.”

“Hmm.” Khadgar wrapped an arm around Lothar’s waist. “I’ll have to take your word for it. I was exhausted before I came here, but now-”

“Callan is supposed to go to the zoo with Varian for his birthday. We have all day to sleep.”

Khadgar smiled. “No shelves? No awkward lunches or doctor’s appointments or coworkers to interrupt us?”

“None of that.” He rested his head against Khadgar’s. There was something he wanted to say, something that was eating at him, but he wasn’t sure how to say it. “You had a lot of admirers today after all the work you put into the carnival.”

“It wasn’t just the carnival. Some of them had students in my class; some just know me from various school projects I’ve been a part of.”

“Right. Well, you know how I feel about other people. And I know it wasn’t like that today, but...” he looked at the screen.

“But...”

“Are we together, together?”

“I always assumed that was what you wanted,” Khadgar said. “Was I wrong in thinking that?”

“No. I don’t think I could see you with anyone else. You know, we should celebrate.”

Khadgar chuckled. “I think we already did.”


	12. The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everything goes to hell, and Khadgar is left to deal.

The sound of his phone vibrating against the bedside table roused Lothar. He swore to himself, making a mental note to give whoever was calling him a piece of his mind. He stared at the name on the screen: Taria.

_It figures._ “Listen, unless someone is dead or dying, I don't want you to bother me.”

Taria choked back a sob on the other line. _Shit._ He'd never known his sister to be so sensitive. “Anduin, I need to talk to you. It's important.”

“Look, I'm sorry if that sounded harsh. Things just went so _well_ last night. Taria, I think I love him. No, I know I do.” He sat up. “Wait, since when do you call me Anduin?”

“I need you to drive up here. There's been a... something's happened, and I don't know how long you have.” A deep breath. “It's Llane.”

“I don't understand.”

“H-he was driving up to meet us, and he took the freeway. He was running late, and I yelled at him – god, Anduin, I was just so _angry_ that he was running late for our son's birthday, and he didn't stop at the intersection. He's in critical condition.” She started to sob again.

Anduin grabbed his shirt off the floor and threw it over his head. “I'll be there right away. You know I will. Which hospital?”

“Mercy. You know where it is.”

He blinked. “The last time I was there was when Cally... that won't happen to Llane. He's stronger than she was. You know how strong he is.” His hands were shaking, but he pulled on the only pair of sandals he owned. “Just stay calm until I get there, for Varian.”

Lothar was shaken. He needed to clear his head for Taria, but the panic was coming back, and this time it had its claws in him deep. What was he supposed to say to her if Llane was worse than they knew? Llane was at his prime and they both knew it. And Llane had been his best friend all his life, the one to make the funeral arrangements when he'd been too much of a mess to take care of his own wife. He couldn't face Llane in the hospital, couldn't bear the thought that he was hurt at all.

He looked at Khadgar. Was he supposed to leave him here? He didn't have _time_ to explain and take him home. _He'll have to understand,_ Lothar decided. He was out the door and driving before he had a chance to change his mind.

_God, I should be taking my medication._ His hands were unstable on the wheel, but he knew the way, and he drove it faster than he would ever go if his son had been in the car. Callan... what would he say to Callan? He was too young for this.

The hour drive crawled on as he tried to tell himself to last another moment, another second, until he was able to rush into the emergency room. Taria jumped up and embraced him so tightly that it hurt, and he let her sob into his shoulder.

“How is he?”

“He's not going to make it, Anduin. They said... they said they're surprised that he made it this long. He hit his head. I can't even _look_ at him. I feel so awful...”

He took her hands in his and squeezed them. “You couldn't know, Taria. We'll get through this together, you and me. I'll do what you need me to do, even if it kills me.” He didn't know where the strength came from, but he held onto it, desperate to get through. _Soon you'll be so shocked that it won't hurt anymore,_ he was tempted to tell her. _Everyone will ask you what they can do, and you'll wish more than anything that you could be alone. Then in time their sympathy will fade, and you will be so desperately alone that you want to die._

He looked at Varian. The boy was wide-eyed and shaken, and he was clinging to Callan's hand so hard that his knuckles were white. Taria looked at her son. “What do I say to him? He's so young.”

“I don't know,” he admitted. “Callan was so young. I never had to worry about him.”

“I just wish there was _something_ I could do.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “Does Medivh know?”

“No.”

“I'll take care of that.”

“Thank you, Anduin.”

 

 

Lothar spent the afternoon walking between the waiting room and the cafeteria. He knew that it was bad form not to sit, but he felt so restless, knowing that Llane was dying and there was nothing he could do. _Everyone around me dies,_ he thought miserably.

He was on his eighth cup of coffee when his phone rang, and the name _Khadgar_ appeared on his phone. He didn't want to talk to Khadgar when he was like this. He didn't want to talk to Khadgar at all now that he knew that everything was fleeting, that it was inevitable that something would go wrong and he would be alone again.

Lothar knew what he had to do. He answered the phone.

“Where are you? I woke up and you were gone. I thought maybe you went to get lunch or something, but it's been two hours.”

“I really can't talk right now.”

“Is something wrong? Did something happen?” The concern in Khadgar's voice made him hate himself for what he was about to do.

“No, nothing happened. I just don't want to talk.”

“I don't understand.”

“Of course not. You don't understand anything, do you? I thought maybe you would get the hint if I left, but I need someone more experienced. More like me. I'm not _interested_ in you like I thought I was. Is that simple enough for you, or do you need a written notice?”

“I – I can't believe you would say that to me over the phone. What brought this on? Was it last night? I thought things went well.”

“Well, you thought wrong. Don't call me again.”

He rested his head against the wall. He needed to get out of this place.

 

Khadgar didn't know how to make the sick feeling in his stomach or the ringing of his head to go away, but he knew that he had to put as much distance as possible between him and Anduin Lothar. He climbed into his car and drove without knowing where to go or what to do, though when he saw the familiar road signs, he knew that he would have a place to stay. He tried to keep the tears that were welling in his eyes from falling, stubborn as he was, but he didn't have the restraint. When he swiped his access card at the gate, his face was cold from the wetness that wouldn't go away, and he couldn't stop himself. It was humiliating.

When he got inside of the massive house, he was surprised to see a familiar face look at up at him from a worn leather book. Medivh's too-green eyes looked over every inch of him as he drew closer, and he felt ashamed of himself for coming so far, ashamed for not being strong enough to compose himself before he came into his mentor's home.

“Something happened between you and Anduin Lothar,” he said.

Khadgar failed to hold back a fresh wave of tears. “I thought things were good between us. Then today he just _left_. I called him, and he said he doesn't want me anymore. I ruined it. I don't know how, but I ruined it.”

“Sit down,” Medivh said, and moved his legs so that Khadgar could sit next to him. “Would it be any consolation if I told you that Anduin Lothar is a liar?”

“You know something. I should have guessed. But why?”

Medivh shook his head. “It isn't my place to tell you. Let me make you some tea. It always seems to make you feel better.”

“Okay.”

Two glasses of tea and a bowl of ice cream later, he was able to stop crying. He was exhausted, and his eyes burned like he'd rubbed salt in them, but even that was an improvement. His body even felt weak. Medivh was still watching him with that probing gaze that he'd mastered. “Better,” he said, “but it could still be improved.”

Khadgar sighed. “I'm sorry that I came here without warning you. I know that you're busy, and it was rude of me to not think of you first, but I didn't have anywhere else to go. I guess you're all I have now.”

He smiled a sad smile. “You are welcome here any time, truly.” His eyes had a faraway look then, as if he was somewhere other than the present. “It's the loneliness that makes us weak, Khadgar.”

“I didn't know that you were ever lonely,” he admitted. “You seem so happy here, in your own world, removed from everything.”

“I am here because it's my duty and because it's what I'm used to. I've been away from my friends for a long time, and it's taken its toll. Do not believe for a second that it doesn't.” He shut his book. “I remember the day that I met Llane Wrynn. We were still children, and like you, I was more interested in my studies than the people around me, but he and Anduin were different. They drew me in, and I am better for their companionship. Now he won't survive the night.”

“My god,” Khadgar said. “He's so young.”

“He was unlike anyone I've ever met,” Medivh said. “He would have made a great leader, but such is the nature of the world we live in. I always assumed that if any of us would go early, it would be Anduin drinking himself to death, but there are always surprises.”

“He must be so upset.”

“You spoke to him. Did he seem upset?” Medivh raised a brow.

“No. He seemed _cold._ ”

“Tell me, then, why you think that might be.”

“I don't know. Because he's cold? Because despite everything he's ever said to me, he doesn't care about me or anyone else?”

“How disappointing. I was sure that my _brilliant_ former intern, the sole heir to my legacy when my time comes, would have a more insightful answer.”

Khadgar snorted. “You want me to say that he was in shock.”

“Keep digging.”

“I really have no idea. Maybe he was just upset, but that doesn't explain the things he said to me, and I can't imagine what would make any of it make sense.”

“Very well. Perhaps there isn't a logical reason why he would act the way he did. You can come to the funeral with me and ask him.”

Khadgar shook his head. “That seems insensitive.”

“Oh? Surely not. He should be an expert at funerals by now. There was a grand affair when his parents died, and then there was a brother, I imagine men from his time in the Army, and that whole mess with his wife... He must have developed an immunity to death by now, don't you think?”

_To lose that many people... he must be a mess._ “He's pushing me away because of this. He knows that he doesn't take death well.”

“I don't make it my place to feel pity for Anduin, but I know that Llane was his closest friend after his wife's death. I believe it was Llane that finally convinced him to start recovery. This death will feel raw. Imagine what confusion he must feel, to draw ever closer to one person only to have another taken away from him.”

“I can't believe that you had to spell it out for me before I saw it.” Khadgar buried his face in his hands. “I need to talk to him, but he doesn't want me to call.”

“Now isn't the time for fixing anything. Give it time. Come to the funeral with me, pay your respects, and see if Lothar comes to you after. Any sooner is intrusive.”

He nodded. “Do you mind if I stay here for a few days? I know that I shouldn't just run away, but I need time before I face his son. Before I face him.”

“Your room is as you left it.”

“Thank you so much.” He closed his eyes. “I was so afraid that you were going to run me off, say that you were too busy for my nonsense. I remember _last_ time I came when you were in the middle of a project. I know that this is your home and I'm not a poor student anymore, and I know that you were never obligated to house me, but I couldn't handle that rejection. Not now. Not from you.”

“You were a mess. Throwing you out wasn't an option.”

He blushed. “I don't mean to be a burden.”

“Not a burden,” Medivh said lazily. “A challenge, certainly, but a pleasure all the same.”

Like so many times in the past, Khadgar was grateful that the brilliant, strange Medivh had made room in his life for him. Even now, when Khadgar was no longer his intern and had a job of his own, there was still room for him here. “I know you don't think so, but you would have made a good father.”

“In all my life, I've never met such a sentimental scholar. Don't exhaust yourself, Trust. You don't need to win my approval.”

He excused himself. As he lay in his bed, he felt comfortable in the familiar surroundings, glad to be near someone who had his best interests at heart, someone who he idolized. Medivh may have brushed off his remarks, but he knew that they had a closeness that would last even if Lothar discarded him. He smiled as he drifted to sleep. It felt good to have someone to trust.

 


	13. Karazhan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Anduin is an asshole and Medivh is Medivh.

Truthfully, Medivh was not surprised when Khadgar showed up at his doorstep. He understood the way these things worked with Anduin, and he understood that Khadgar was prone to sensitivity. He was able to accommodate this, not because he was particularly empathetic, but because some part of him had missed having someone in the house besides the old groundskeeper Moroes. He knew the boy well enough to get him to compose himself, and after he saw to it that the boy had gone to bed and was resting easy, he stepped outside and watched as the stars became visible.

Karazhan was lovely, but it was empty, and he felt a vast emptiness in himself when he was there.

He was pulling on his night clothes when he noticed that Lothar had tried to call him. _How is it that you dare to call me now, Anduin, when you have sent my heir to me in tears?_ He dialed the number from memory though he never used it. No one heard his voice over the phone outside of business save for Khadgar, but he was willing to accommodate an old friend now that another was probably dead.

“You picked a strange hour to call me, Lothar. More news?”

“They're doing what they can for him, but it's looking grim. I don't see this having a happy ending. Taria wants to believe, but she has to know that it's impossible for him to come out of this kind of head injury.”

“Let her believe.”

“I won't lie to her. I don't want her stuck in a delusion. I can't believe you'd suggest it.”

Medivh leaned back against his headboard, grateful for the pillows supporting his back. “I never thought that you would be the one to interfere with someone who is grieving.”

Lothar sighed. “Would it kill you to be wrong once in your life?”

“I couldn't say. What do you need, Lothar?”

“I don't know what I need. I just know that I can't stay with Taria here and I can't go home. You have any empty rooms in that mansion of yours?”

“I'm unsure that it would be in your best interest to come here, as much as I would like to see you on my side of the state.” He paused. “Khadgar is here.”

“He drove all that way today to see you? Wait, is he staying there overnight?”

Medivh imagined that he should have been offended by the indignation in Lothar's voice. “He has a room here from his days at the university, so yes, he is staying here. I had hoped that you wouldn't push him away, but you have, and he came here to clear his head.”

“What is it that you want with him? You've never been interested in having people around you; you've never cared whether you had friends. You hate when people ask you questions, so don't tell me that you wanted to mentor him for his own good. There has to be something.”

Medivh clenched his jaw. Leave it to Lothar to twist it back on him. “He's my _heir_ , Lothar. Don't warp it into something dark when you know better. Are you sober right now?”

There was a moment of silence. “I shouldn't have said that. I'm not thinking clearly. I need to see him so I can try to fix the damage I've done. I just need to explain myself.”

“You can explain yourself somewhere else when you're thinking rationally. I don't want you here when you're acting like this. Do not come here thinking that I will change my mind either, Lothar, or I _will_ have you removed from my property. You'll see him at the funeral if he chooses to join me. If not then, when he decides to hear you.”

“Goodbye, Medivh.”

“Goodbye, Anduin.”

A small part of Medivh, the part that wanted his friends to be close to him as they once were, lamented having to turn Anduin away, but he knew that this man was not the Lothar he knew. He only hoped, for Khadgar's sake and for that poor little boy's, that the real Lothar would make an appearance soon.


	14. Goodbye

Llane’s funeral was a grand affair. As a prominent figure in the community, he was expected to have a public ceremony, and Lothar was able to pull out of his hangover in time to make the arrangements with Taria’s help. They would hire the pastor who had married Llane and Taria to speak, and Lothar’s time in the military would afford him a grand display complete with a proper salute. The security was high, and only those who had known Llane in life would be allowed close to the actual burial. The rest would have to watch from afar as the family was afforded a private moment.

As much as he hated it, Lothar knew that he would have to face Medivh. How would he ever talk to him again after what he’d said? How would calculating, logical Medivh ever forgive him for what was clearly disloyal bitterness? He didn’t want to think of what he would say if he saw Khadgar. He’d ruined his chances with everyone, it seemed.

He wore the same suit he’d worn to his wife’s funeral. He looked good in black, he decided. Callan was quiet, solemn as he kept his cousin company before they rode with Taria to the funeral home. The streets were crowded with people who had come to say goodbye to their local hero, but Lothar didn’t see any of them. He kept his eyes on Taria as he guided her through the doorway, where she might grieve with some level of privacy.

The room was _filled_ with flowers. Stormwind lilies had been Llane’s favorite, and now the room was so blue that Lothar thought the black might get lost in it. His friend would have loved that. As serious as he was, he hated grimness. Lothar was grateful for a closed casket as Taria approached the front of the room.

“Stay with me,” she said, and he knew he couldn’t refuse her.

He caught a glimpse of Medivh out of the corner of his eye as the room started to fill. He was dressed in another one of his expensive suits, fit for the occasion. His expression gave nothing away. The young man at his side was dressed similarly, and Lothar’s heart dropped. It was Khadgar. He would have to see him after all, and something needed to be said.

Medivh did not hesitate to approach the front of the room to pay his respects. Khadgar stayed a step behind him as they approached, like a scared child. Medivh looked at him and Taria and the boys with those green eyes that saw everything, unwavering.

“I’m glad that you were able to make it, Medivh,” Taria said.

“Llane was one of the few genuinely good men that I’ve met. It’s a great shame that his life was cut short. If you need anything of me, you need only ask.”

“We appreciate that.” Taria looked past him, where Khadgar was still standing. “Oh, Khadgar, it’s so kind of you to come in support of our family.”

“I’m sorry that you have to go through this,” he said awkwardly. Anduin saw him look at Callan and felt a familiar surge of guilt overwhelming him. _What have I done?_

The funeral itself was to be held at a gated cemetery on the other side of town. Llane’s family had a crypt where he would be taken, where Taria and Varian and several generations after them would rest. Lothar was among those who stood at the doorway, along with Taria and Varian. He kept a steady arm on her back to reassure her.

“I know that we have a long day ahead of us, but I would like to say something about Llane. I’ve known him since I was a child, and even then he was extraordinary. He was more like a brother than a friend to me, and when he married my sister, I knew that there was no one better suited to keep her happy. Llane was dedicated to his work. He wanted to change the world, and he wasn’t afraid to get his hands dirty when he was needed. He was dedicated to his friends and family, always willing to do whatever it took to help them. He was one of the greatest men I’ve known, and the world will be a darker place without him.”

He took his seat next to Taria when they took Llane inside. He barely heard the sermon, but it didn’t matter; the words had no meaning to him. When at last it was over, he was grateful that he was through the day, but he knew that it was far from over. He would have to be there for his family as they had been there for him. They needed him.

He decided to search for Khadgar as the small crowd started to disperse. Medivh was walking with him around the grounds, and Lothar ran to catch up to them before they were able to slip away without a word. When he drew closer, Medivh gave him an approving nod, then retreated. He would be alone with Khadgar. That was a small mercy.

“Thank god you’re here,” he said. “I’ve been hoping to talk to you for days now.”

“I can’t imagine why,” Khadgar said, “after all that you said to me.”

“I was wrong. I was lying. I couldn’t think that about you; I couldn’t not want you even if a lifetime passed without your forgiveness. What I said was stupid and I’ve spent every moment regretting it. I couldn’t sleep, knowing that you might not give me a chance to explain.”

“Well here I am. Explain yourself.”

“I got the call that Llane was in the hospital, and I went to Taria as soon as I could. There wasn’t time to wake you. When I got there, it was like Cally all over again, only it was so much worse. She was my wife, but Llane was more to me than that. He was my best friend. I couldn’t take knowing that he would die so young.”

“That isn’t good enough,” Khadgar said. “You can’t just do this to me because you’re upset. That’s not how this works.”

“Everyone around me dies or leaves. I couldn’t think about that happening to you, because I couldn’t take it if you were next. So I thought I would make it easier. But it wasn’t. I still thought about you. I still dreamed about you, when I was able to sleep. I knew that you were with Medivh, and it drove me crazy, even if there’s nothing there. I said some things to him that I shouldn’t have said. I messed up worse than I ever have.”

Khadgar looked at his feet. “So you did. Why should I forgive you? How can I know that you won’t do it again next time something bad happens?” Tears welled in his eyes. “You hurt me. I felt so low, worse than worthless. I need to know that I can trust you before I can try to forgive you.”

“You can know because I’m in love with you, and now I know what it’s like not to have you.”

Khadgar sighed. “I hope you don’t think that this is romantic, telling me you love me at a funeral within a week of telling me that you never wanted to see me again.”

“It’s pathetic, I know, but it’s all I have.”

“If I give you another chance, you’re going to therapy to work through your problems. Clearly whatever you’ve been doing isn’t enough, and I can’t be with you if you’re not willing to change.”

Lothar gritted his teeth. He wanted anything but to tell some stranger who had no idea of what he’d gone through about the intimate details of his life. He looked at Khadgar and could tell by the set of his jaw that the young man wouldn’t change his mind. “Anything you want,” he said at last. “Come home with me, please.”

“I won’t be alone with you,” Khadgar said.

“You won’t be. I’ll be with Taria and Varian and Callan.”

“I don’t want to intrude.”

“They love you. They would love the company.”

“Anduin, I’m not ready to see you until you make an appointment and attend it. If you care about me as much as you claim to, that should be nothing to you.”

“It is nothing.” Anduin grabbed for his hand, but Khadgar pulled away from him. “I’ll go.”

“Call me when you do,” Khadgar said. He hesitated, then squeezed Lothar’s hands in his own. “Take care of yourself, Anduin, either way.”


	15. Anchored

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! Thank you so much to all of you for reading, commenting, kudos, all of that, and an extra thank you to MirandaRoseOfSkywall for the original prompt. While I feel like I could go on with this forever, I figured that I would cut it off here. I hope that you like the ending. If there's anything that you'd like to see me write in the future, let me know!

The sound of Dr. Hook filled Anduin Lothar’s car as he pulled up to the school. A sandy-haired boy ran toward the car, and Anduin got out of the car and scooped his son into his arms. He would cherish having the strength to do that until his son got too old to hold. If there was anything that Anduin Lothar loved about himself, it was that after all that had happened, he was still able to be a father to his son.

His smile widened as he saw a handsome young man coming closer. He embraced the man and kissed him on the cheek. Khadgar smiled up at him. His brown eyes were shining bright. He was gorgeous, Anduin thought as he watched the young man wave to some of his students. One day, Callan had been his student too. Now he was something more.

“How was your first day?” Anduin asked them both.

“Garona made us square dance,” Callan whined. “It was the worst.”

“You’ll get over it,” Anduin said. “What about you, bookworm?”

“You know, every year I worry that I’ll miss my previous class too much to really appreciate the new one, but I think this year has a lot of potential. How was your appointment?”

“He says I’m doing better, and we’ll be able to switch to every other week now that I’ve shown some progress.”

“Great! We should celebrate!”

Lothar rolled his eyes. “You don’t _celebrate_ that.”

Khadgar rubbed Lothar’s thigh absently. “I could change your mind.”

They had fallen into a rhythm of days apart and evenings as a family, with nights spent tangled together until one of them, usually Khadgar, drifted into a contented sleep. Taria and Varian found their own rhythm too, and though he knew that she was lonely, Anduin saw bits of his old sister some nights when they sat together playing charades or Monopoly Junior. She would make it through. He suspected that there was hope for even Medivh. Though they had drifted through Llane’s death, they were anchored together, and together, they would find their way.


End file.
